Reddit user Purphect recently shared an unusual email his rush chairman received. A grandfather named Bob Madison talks about returning to college to get a degree in theatre, and asks if the fraternity would consider accepting him as a brother.
First off, good for you, Bob. It takes a certain zest for life to return to college in one’s twilight years to pursue a dream left unfulfilled, whether that dream is to become a movie star or a frat star (or in this case, both).
Personally, I think it would be awesome to have a senior citizen in your fraternity. Just imagine it.
•Lineups would be filled with reminders that “this ain’t nothin’ compared to Korea.”
•A brother with whiskey dick would always have a reliable source of Viagra to remedy the situation.
•His Charleston Swing would be more of a panty-dropper than even the most well-executed Shag or Two-step.
•Hilarious, unintentional racism and sexism.
•Endless wise old stories and grandpa-isms.
•He’s probably got plenty of cash for dues.
•He doesn’t really have to worry about getting a job after college, so he’d be the perfect sacrificial lamb for cops to take to jail when the party gets busted.
•Bong rips through his neck stoma would be an awesome party trick.
•He’d be perfect for stealing road signs or sorority composites. If he ever gets caught, he can just blame it on being senile.
•Once one girl discovers how awesome it feels when he removes his dentures to eat her out, they all will. Sloots will descend upon your house parties en mass.
•He’d always be down to go fishing.
•He could swoon the old alumnus of a sorority you’re in poor standing with.
•His IVs would prove to be a fun and efficient way for everyone to consume alcohol.
•You could borrow his catheter during football games so you don’t miss a single down.
But in all seriousness, I think these guys should throw him a bid. I wouldn’t line him up or haze him or anything like that. Not just because of obvious health issues, but because it would hamper the pledging experience for the other guys. I’d essentially treat him like an honorary bid. Bring him out to some of the events (probably not all of them). Engage him and listen to his stories. You’d make him happier than you can fathom, and probably learn a lot from him in the process..
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