Youngstown State Student Arrested For Attempting To Trade Chicken Alfredo And Sprite For Sex

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College is a wonderful time. There’s the bliss of being on your own, the parties, getting to meet new people, and the opportunity to do the sex on an almost nightly basis. College provides us with an environment to have a boatload of consensual sex with LEGALLY aged adults without having to worry about your mom wandering into your room asking you to clean the dishes.

So in that vein, nobody should be scrambling outside of campus in search of sexual partners. Yet, here we are with the story of a total bag of creep from Youngstown State who just couldn’t keep his greasy hands to himself.

From WMC Action News 5:

Youngstown State University student Albert Maruna was caught red-handed and arrested this week after he allegedly attempted to have sex with a 15-year-old boy, who turned out to be an undercover officer.

Maruna IV, 22, is charged with attempted unlawful sexual contact with a minor, disseminating matter harmful to juveniles, possessing criminal tools, and importuning.

Austintown police say Maruna started chatting through an online dating app with an undercover officer.

How long was To Catch a Predator on television? How about Catfish? Has this guy never seen either one of those shows even in passing?

At the time of his arrest, police say Maruna was carrying an iPhone, a MAC book, three zip drives, a bottle of Astroglide lubrication, Vaseline lotion, two bottles of Sprite, and chicken Alfredo in a Tupperware container.

So that’s what comes in a child molester’s starter pack. This reads like it was taken directly from one of the O.G. Donald Glover skits, “Bro Rape.”

Damnit, Albert. This is messed up man. One of the special things about college is that anyone can get laid, even if they literally are Fat Albert. Chicken Alfredo and Sprite is a fine gesture. Just maybe try to be a respectable human being and try it with someone over the age of 18 for once.

At least Albert will finally get what he wished for since he’s definitely going to do well in jail. Well, maybe not exactly how he likes it, but still.

[via WMC Action News 5]

Image via Mahoning County Jail

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Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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