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You Can Now Kill Osama bin Laden Yourself… Sort Of

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A little over a year ago America demonstrated to the world exactly how it felt about terrorism (and the national sovereignty of dickbag countries like Pakistan) by taking its ultimate symbol, Osama bin Laden, and fucking him the ass, Seal Team 6 style. It was a monumental moment that made a hell of a story, one that literally can’t be topped.

“Yeah so yesterday I won a fifty million dollar lawsuit, stopped an armed robbery, snagged my Big Mac without paying, went undefeated in Beerio Kart, and Eiffle Towered four chicks with my bro.”

“I killed Osama.”

See? Predictably when there is a great story, a cinematic blockbuster is sure to follow, and Team 6’s heroic feats are no exception as Kathryn Bigelow’s (The Hurt Locker) Zero Dark Thirty is slated to hit the screens this December. There is also an extremely shitty videogame version of the bin Laden raid, because of course there is. Normally that would be the extent of such an event, but this time the company Sealed Minds has really outdone itself:

It was only a matter of time before someone started hosting reenactments of the Osama Bin Laden raid, conducted more than a year ago. For only $325 and a trip to Minnesota, you can join an elite team of Navy SEALs for a day and tell all your buddies that you were the one who killed the al-Qaeda leader.

Sealed Minds, a gun-safety and defense instruction center in New Hope, recently opened a 10,000-square-foot studio for the live role-playing game, according to Minnesota Public Radio.

Participants — of which there have been 137 so far — use high-end paintball guns to mow down a guy wearing a robe and beard, after a mission briefing from a former Navy SEAL, The Atlantic reports. They’ll creep around the reenactment facility, get live-fire practice and plenty of hype from instructors.

Sign me up. As ridiculous–and probably disrespectful of Seal Team 6–as this gig is, I can’t lie, this sounds fucking awesome. Sealed Minds has basically created the Guitar Hero version of killing the fuck out of terrorists. It’s like shredding that 5-buttoned plastic guitar; you sure as hell aren’t a Navy Seal, but you look feel cool as shit doing it.

The coolest thing about this simulation is probably the potential though. Just think of obliterating America’s enemies into a paintball spattered hell in scenarios such as Normandy Beach, The Alamo, or the Siege of Charleston. Pretty cool shit.

If you have about 300 bucks, too much time on your hands, an unquenchable thirst to blast Bin Laden’s stupid turban off his head, and no real commitment to join the SEALs, roadtrip on up to Minnesota. And then submit the video to TFM, I’m extremely curious.


Follow me on Twitter @CaptJackSperry

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