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My 4.9 rating may not show it, but on more than one occasion, I have been the Uber passenger from hell. The absolute deepest depths of hell. Perhaps I should thank my lucky stars that I have only regurgitated bar sludge in the vehicles of old women and a sympathetic Indian man, because had I unloaded a lethal dose of stomach acid and Vegas Bombs across the backseat of Uber driver Jacob Allemon’s car, I’d currently be riding out of this world in a casket carried by six obese alcoholics and draped in a Rowdy Gentleman flag.
(Editor’s note from Jared: Bogey also puked in my car once. Dude has a legitimate problem.)
Meet Jacob Allemon, the man who stabbed a passenger five times for knocking on the window of his shitty 2012 Honda Civic.
Nice Great Value haircut, shitstain.
Here’s an excerpt from the police report to help you understand the absurdity of the ordeal.
The investigation revealed the victim and his wife requested an Uber ride home from a holiday party. Allemon was nearby and accepted the Uber request. The victim tapped on the window to alert Allemon that they were entering the vehicle. Allemon felt his vehicle was disrespected when the victim tapped on the window. Allemon drove approximately a mile before pulling into the shopping center parking lot. He ordered the victim out of his vehicle. The victim asked if they could wait for another Uber due to the snowstorm. An altercation ensued and during the altercation Allemon stabbed the victim multiple times. The victim was able to disarm Allemon and restrain him until police arrived.
All because he tapped on the window of a shitty four-year-old Honda Civic. Not only was the fragile piece of shit mentally weak enough to attempt to murder a man for such a trivial offense, he was so physically weak, he was disarmed and pinned by a 49-year-old suffering from five stab wounds. Absolutely pathetic.
This man’s genetics are a threat to national security. Euthanasia should do the trick..