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Despite what many non-Americans could construe from visiting a website like Total Frat Move–including the purveyors of this weird French site, which always reposts our content with headlines that translate roughly to “Oh My! American University Students Have No Time For Class, Or Pants!”–the U.S.A. is not the hardest drinking country in the world. I know, it’s hard for me to say America isn’t number one at something, but really, at some point, it goes from fun raging to depressing alcoholism, Ireland excluded.
The list of countries that binge drink the most is pretty random, though The Washington Post pointed out a theme that many of the top drinking countries tend to be island nations.
I can’t figure out if two-thirds of the Cook Island male population and more than one-third of the Cook Island female population binge drink at least once a week because the Cook Islands are a popular vacation spot where that sort of thing is encouraged, or if it’s because the Cook Islands are a depressing as shit place to live. Is it like how in America, lake and beach townies do lots of meth? I assume Cook Islanders would do more meth if they weren’t so isolated in the middle of the Pacific Ocean–it’s impossible to ship that much cold medicine and antifreeze to them.
I’m proud of my Irish cousins for coming in at number three on the male chart, as well as showing up on the female side of things, too. Sometimes it’s nice to learn that stereotypes are true. I assume that if Ireland had the same weather it does now but was just as isolated as the Cook Islands, its percentages would be in the low 90s. At that point, the only people who wouldn’t binge drink would be those too old or weak to fight for the much needed alcohol.
In a true shocker, the women of Zambia came in at number one for binge drinking females. According to the Wikipedia crash course I just took, Zambia is both highly urbanized and plagued by rampant unemployment. Sounds shitty. I’d have a drink or 17 pretty regularly if I lived there, too.
Meanwhile, the United States came in at a, by comparison, paltry 13 percent and 3.4 percent for men and women, respectively. I’ll just take that to mean the United States isn’t a depressing place to live. Plus, Cook Islanders and Zambians probably don’t have readily available access to things like Netflix to keep them occupied. All they have to watch are crappy New Zealand TV shows and, I don’t know, tire fires? Drink up, guys.
[via The Washington Post]