The first time that Joseph Benedick, a senior at the University of Wisconsin-Tichigan where he is president of the Lambda Omicron fraternity, got into an Uber, he knew there was something missing.
“”Where the titties at?” was literally the first thing I said to my first-ever Uber driver,” Benedick told TFM during an interview this past weekend. “And I said it to every one after that.”
It wasn’t long before Benedick had received so many one-star ratings from Uber drivers that he was barred from using the Uber service altogether. He claims it was this banishment that gave him the idea to start a competitor to the popular rideshare network.
“The common man needs his voice to be heard. The common man needs to ride comfortably, affordably, and in style. The common man needs to look at some sweet nips on the way to his destination,” Benedick said. “And that’s why I created Boober.”
The main difference between Uber and Boober is, of course, that the drivers are all topless women.
“Tits for daysss,” said Benedick, extending his balled-up hand for a fist bump.
Boober is similar to Uber in most other ways, but there are a few key differences. For instance, driver-customer interaction has been completely revamped.
“Never again will you be forced to have a twenty-minute conversation with a 47-year-old out-of-work electrician from Tulsa about how much he likes driving strangers around all day for chump change,” said Benedick as he made a jerk off motion with his hand. “Our drivers all sign a contract banning them from speaking unless spoken to while they’re behind the wheel. They’re also foreign, so not only do you not have to talk to them, but we’ve made it literally impossible.”
Another key difference between Boober and Uber comes to light when you compare the routes that are taken by the companies’ drivers.
“Our patented GPS system makes sure that the route taken by your Boober vehicle is as bumpy as possible. This promotes maximum bounce and jiggle in our drivers,” Benedick said.
Benedick thinks his service’s distinguishing characteristics will eventually lead to his company surpassing Uber with regard to the number of rides ordered.
“Tits are dope. Once people stop and think about it, they’ll realize that big bouncy bazonkers are chill AF. We’re gonna blow Uber out of the water.”
Benedick has high hopes for his business venture.
“With Boober, the sky’s the limit. I dream of a day when every car is driven by a topless female,” said Benedick optimistically, a single tear streaming down his bearded face. “No fat chicks, though.”
Be on the lookout: Boober hits the App Store soon. Benedick left us with his company’s motto.
“Boober – it’s Uber with a breast Lyft.”.