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It’s not often that a person enters your life and completely sweeps you off your feet within a matter of weeks. It’s even less rare that a football player does it (unless he plays for Baylor, in which case it only takes a matter of minutes followed by a few years of cover-up). But that’s what just happened between University of Wisconsin offensive lineman Jon Dietzen and me. The redheaded redshirt freshman is my new favorite player on the Badgers, in the Big Ten, and in all of Div. 1 — and it’s not even close.
Obviously I’m biased because I attended the university for which Jon Dietzen plays (go Badge), but how can you not love the guy? First off, check out the immaculate mullet he’s currently rocking.
Glorious. That’s not business in the front, party in the back; it’s party every way you look at it. It’s wild yet tame. Feathery without sacrificing form, like a bird that hits the weight room but also takes ballroom dancing classes. It is, to put it simply, perfect.
The kicker? He’s going to rock the mullet all season long. How do we know that? He swore that he would — on Harambe’s grave.
That’s a commitment you can’t break, lest zombie Harambe return to the earth that forsook him and drag you by your foot through shin-high water. I hope you know what you got yourself into, Jonny.
Dude’s got a sense of humor, too.
I don’t care that I’m a 23-year-old post grad whose bench press max is the bar (and that’s only if my spotter is overzealous and carries a bit of the load). Jon is my spirit animal.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Jared, get a room dude. You in love with this guy or some shit?” The answer is yes. I do love Jon. I love him with every fiber of my being. But that’s not gay; it’s sports. And if you don’t understand that, then you clearly aren’t a sports fan. Simple as that.
#OnWisconsin, and #OnJon.
Image via Twitter/@BadgerFootball