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Blogger Amanda Marcotte recently tweeted out an unearthed brothel menu allegedly dating back to 1912. The brothel was run by Mrs. F.A. Tasse, a London-based madam who could put together a hell of a damn evening for her guests. Shit in her establishment got flat weird, or hell, maybe it wasn’t even weird for the era and sex stuff we do nowadays is tame by comparison, or maybe it’s similar to shit all you perverts are doing now and they just had weird names for it back in the day. I don’t really know.
Take a look:
Allow me to call your attention to a few items on the menu:
1. Blowing in the asshole, new style will set you back $1.70. I’m not exactly sure if this entails anything more than simply having a prostitute blow air into your butthole, or if it’s another way to describe a rim job, but, either way, $1.70 seems a little pricey.
2. A dry bob is only 49 cents, and for good reason. It sounds agonizing.
3. Having your prick sucked while simultaneously going to town on a woman’s cunt will empty your pockets at an outrageous $6.00! This is a sucker deal if I’ve ever seen one. I’m sitting here imagining Madam Tasse holding back laughter when a noob walks in and orders the six-dollar prick suck/cunt suck combo. What a joke.
4. Asshole fucking for men over 45 years old will cost you a buck. First of all, that’s a great deal. Secondly, are men under 45 not allowed to have anal sex at this place? That’s age discrimination.
5. Finger fucking with juice is 50 cents, just one cent more than a dry bob. I don’t know how the juice plays into a finger-fuck, but I’m staying away from this one for the simple reason that it’s the same relative price as a dry bob. Fuck that noise.
If I enter this joint with seven dollars to blow, here’s how I’m spending it:
• Common old-fashioned fuck: $2.50 – I’m a simple man with simple pleasures.
• One female suckoff, stones in mouth: $2.69 – I won’t believe anyone can fit my prick AND both my stones in her mouth at the same time until I actually see it.
• Tool rub by a maid: $0.75 – With little left to spend, options are running low and there’s no way I’m getting a dry bob.
I’m leaving the rest for gratuity. And the next time I come in will be after working all summer to save up for a Pinkey’s Special. Now that’s a party. I bet that Pinkey character is a real freak.
Am I crazy, or do these prices seem really high? Six bucks for dual oral is crazy expensive for 1912, right? I’m pretty sure if you walk into Rick’s on Bourbon Street right now you can get a handjibber in the back for like 12 bucks.
Now I’m sexually frustrated because all I can think about is what old style asshole blowing is all about and why it’s mysteriously omitted from this menu.
Is this photo fake? Probably. Do I care? I don’t..