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Which Presidential Candidates Could Pass The Presidential Physical Fitness Test?

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Today, Reebok attempted to grab some headlines and get some much needed brand awareness by offering any current presidential candidate $50,000 donated to a health charity of their choice if they could run under a ten minute mile.

Clearly, this was more of a ploy to have people spend a brief moment remembering that Reebok still exists before going about the rest of their day rather than an actual challenge to have the republican and democratic nominees break out the cross trainers and elastic waist 7 inch inseams. Essentially just cashing in on Super Tuesday for free PR purposes. I can’t knock the hustle, Reebok, especially when Allen Iverson isn’t walking back through that door. You got to get eyes and ears on your second rate product any way you can.

The publicity stunt did just that and spark an interesting discussion amongst the office. I’m of the opinion that all presidential candidates should have to pass the Presidential Physical Fitness Test that we were all subjected to in middle school gym class at a “National Award” level. You know the drills. Nothing crazy: shuttle run, pull-ups, crunches. Obviously we can throw out nonsense like the V-sit and reach. I don’t need the commander in chief to be able to touch his fucking toes or even be able to hit the elite “President Award” benchmarks. But I do think the leader of the free world should at least have the strength and physical prowess of that of an average twelve-year-old.

Let’s take a look at what exactly that entails.


Do I think Hil-Dog is clearing her chin over the bar one time? Unlikely. She’s out.

Cruz appears to be a melting wax sculpture. Any physical exertion might make him go full blown candle puddle in a matter of seconds. He’s out.

Bernie seems like a grinder. Really scrappy for a guy that could be blown away with one swift gust of wind. I think he surprises in a few challenges, but his brittle bones ultimately crumble before going into cardiac arrest.

Trump has never run a day in his life. No reason to think he’d start now.

Rubio is probably the only candidate young enough and somewhat in shape enough to get the job done. Dude played college ball for a year after all. He’ll have issues holding onto the bar with his sweat drenched hands lubricating his grip, but I think he prevails and takes home a blue cloth ribbon.

Image via Youtube

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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