In this series, we will be recognizing fraternity alumni who, in one way or another, have had an impact on the world around us. You can love them or hate them, but you will respect them.
Name: Guy Ramsay Ferry, better known as “Guy Fieri”
Fraternal Organization: Alpha Tau Omega (ATO)
Institution of Higher Learning: The University of Nevada, Las Vegas
It ain’t easy being the mayor of Flavortown, but the road to get there is even tougher.
From humble beginnings, Guy Fieri won the second season of The Next Food Network Star in April of 2006, catapulting him straight into the limelight. In the 27 months following the premiere of his first network television show, Guy’s Big Bite, Fieri starred or co-starred in three other Food Network programs: Ultimate Recipe Showdown, Guy Off the Hook, and the ever-popular Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. All this before finally making it onto a major network as the host of NBC’s Minute to Win It, where Guy Fieri rocked the house… with your mom.
Sadly, NBC ran out of hair bleach and had to cancel the show after just two seasons.
Enough about Guy Fieri’s professional life, though — it’s time to get to the man himself. Guy Fieri is far and away the most recognizable personality in the culinary world. Forget Bobby Flay’s classic good looks, Gordon Ramsay’s probable cocaine habit, and Paula Deen’s country-fried racism. When you think food celebrities, you think Guy Fieri. The bleach blonde hair, the flame decals, the goatee, the sunglasses carefully placed on the back of his head, the amazing catchphrases… He’s the bad boy of good food. The man oozes food, sex appeal, and probably stuff from his penis, on account of how much he almost assuredly gets laid for being Guy Fieri. Everybody just can’t get enough of the man. You kids like Chrissy Teigen, yeah? I mean, how could you not?
Well, Chrissy is a fan of Guy’s, too. So much so that she even went as him for Halloween last year. Yeah, check out that photo. If that doesn’t get you rock hard, I’m concerned for your virility.
Speaking of Guy Fieri’s looks, I have declared his fraternity composite photo to be the most sought-after composite photo in the country. There’s not a single sane human being walking this earth that doesn’t want to know what kind of style Guy was rocking back in his fraternity days. Did he have the hair yet? The ‘tee? The earrings? I don’t just want to know, I’ve got to know. I will legitimately Venmo five dollars to the first person who sends a picture of Guy Fieri’s actual fraternity composite photo to firstname.lastname@example.org. That’s how much I need this.
Need some more convincing that Guy Fieri is deserving of a spot in the Frat Hall of Fame? Well, let me stop you right there, because if you don’t know enough about Guy to know he undoubtedly deserves to be among the greats, you definitely don’t know how to properly pronounce Guy’s last name. No, not his given last name of Ferry — Fieri, the last name Guy took when he got married in 1995 to honor his Italian immigrant great-grandfather. Guy Fieri changing his last name when he got married. That’s TFTC.
Let me guess: you pronounce it “fee-air-y,” like how someone with a Wisconsin accent would say the word “fairy.” Let me laugh at your ignorance: Ha! Hahaha! Ha! You idiot! That’s completely and utterly wrong, you insensitive sack of shit. His last name actually utilizes the alveolar flap, a concept you should have all learned about in a linguistics class by now, you scatalogical ruffians. That means that rather than “fee-air-y,” it sounds closer to “fee-etti,” like how someone with a Wisconsin accent would say the word “fatty.” It’s tough to explain in words, so here’s a compilation video of people saying Guy’s last name correctly.
Back to Guy’s accomplishments. Not only was the man a spokesperson for world famous restaurant T.G.I. Fridays, he has the key to the city of Ferndale, California. The closest to those accolades that us mere mortals can hope to achieve is winding up as the manager of a T.G.I. Fridays, thus receiving the keys to the restaurant. If you ever doubted just how big of a bad boy Guy is, just know that he received the key to Ferndale in late 2012 and, by the end of 2013, violent crime in the city had increased by over 33 percent. Yeah, dude’s bad to the bone.
Sure, Guy may have his haters. There may be people out there making mean dub videos of him.
And there may be a high-profile food critic out there who put one of his restaurants on blast by giving it a zero star review wherein it’s insinuated that Guy cares so little about the quality of the food at his restaurant because he’s a fraud and everything he does is an act.
But Guy Fieri doesn’t let that shit get to him. Rather, he keeps on keeping on. He continues to do Guy every damn day. Guy Fieri knows that the world is against him, and he feeds off it. The dude is twofold TFTC: he’s Too Frat To Care, and he’s The Fucking Trillest Chef. He truly is a man larger than life itself.
Welcome to the Frat Hall of Fame, Guy..