Earlier today, my TFM coworker Producer Micah (@micahwiener on Twitter) was using his iPhone to AirPlay the U.S. Open on the office television. A pretty benevolent move from the ol’ guy, who’s not usually known for being such a fun fellow with whom to interact (if you’ve ever listened to the Inside TFM Podcast — this episode in particular — you know what I mean).
But Micah (@micahwiener on Twitter) must’ve woken up on the right side of his single murphy bed this morning (facts only: Micah actually sleeps on a single murphy bed), because he decided to do a nice thing for others for potentially the first time in his entire life. And because I was weirded out by this kind gesture of his, I’m going to shame him for it by putting his weird ass iPhone home screen choices on blast with hopes that he’ll decide to never be this weird, mildly pleasant version of himself ever again.
Let’s start at the top and work our way down.
Have you ever seen this many top right icons on one man’s iPhone? That top bar’s so ornamented with Apple insignias it looks like Steve Wozniak’s Christmas tree.
Do not disturb – Clearly Micah suffers from delusions of people wanting to reach him.
Location services – That Jimmy John’s delivery guy’s gotta be able to deliver that sub (ham and pickles only with extra mayo then drenched in vinegar) to Micah somehow.
Alarm – “4:15 p.m. – Buy steel wool, deep scrub bidet”
AirPlay – The thing Micah will regret as he reads this article.
Unsynced Bluetooth – Total waste of battery. Amateur move.
What’s that I see in the bottom right corner? Is that Uber, the popular rideshare app Micah (@micahwiener on Twitter) voted in favor of banning from operating in Austin (the proposition passed) because he thought they were setting a bad precedent in terms of the relationship between national businesses and Austin’s local government? Gee, I wonder what that’s doing there? Surely Micah isn’t the world’s biggest hypocrite, right? Quite interesting. Quite interesting indeed.
Everyone wants their podcast producer to not listen to their podcasts. That’s what you’re looking for. Bang up job, Michael!
To me, this is the weirdest part of all this — having two pages of apps with your first page not even being completely full. So bizarre.
Micah claims to be Jewish, but the presence of this app on his home screen — the company specializes in “top-quality Christian audiobooks and audio-Bibles” — says otherwise. I believe “your people” would refer to you as a “schmuck” for this one, Micah.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s a sociopath move to have both “Phone” and “Contacts” on your nav bar. Contacts can be reached by just hitting “Phone” then “Contacts…” Surely there is a better use for the fourth spot on your limited-space nav bar… christianaudio, perhaps?
Notice anything else fucked up about Micah’s (@micahwiener on Twitter) iPhone home screen? Point it out in the comments..
To hear Producer Micah’s most recent pointless drivel, check out the latest episode of the Inside TFM Podcast below (and follow him on Twitter @micahwiener). We recorded it by the pool at my apartment complex with Boosh: