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Wear Kilts, Not Male Rompers

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kilt male romper

Just when I thought I couldn’t lose any more brain cells, I decide to go on social media and what do I find but this:

Over the past few days, people have been going crazy over the release of male rompers. Rompers, for those of you who don’t know — and if you don’t know what a romper is, I’ll just go ahead and assume you have gone every summer of your life without female interaction — are an unholy cross between a prison jumpsuit and those sundress outfits girls wear to literally every college day drinking event. Male rompers are the next round of internet apparel/accessory stupidity, following in the footsteps of fidget spinners and free red bathing suits on Instagram.

Instead of focusing on these abominations, we as a society should work to bring back a bygone staple of male haberdashery: the kilt. Granted, I don’t know a lot about fashion since most of my wardrobe consists of Vineyard Vines, Armani Exchange, and free Greek life t-shirts, but from what I’ve seen, kilts are the ultimate “fuck you” clothing, and are perfect for every occasion. Going to a chapter event? Kilts look great with letters and Sperrys. Going to a wedding? I’m sure you can find a kilt that matches the groom’s color scheme. Going golfing? Get in touch with the sport’s Scottish roots by wearing everyone’s favorite fun — and breathable! — man skirt.

I know what you’re thinking: “Why would I wear a kilt? Isn’t that just a male skirt?” No, it’s not. You know who wore a kilt? Braveheart guy. William Williams, or whatever his name was. Have I ever actually seen Braveheart? No, but if Mel Gibson does it, it adds immediate credibility to it. And, since zero members of the Jersey Shore cast have ever worn a kilt, there’s a zero percent chance it makes you look like a douchebag.

Not only to replace the male romper, but also to bring upon all of us the sense of nobility that only a plaid, legless undergarment can provide, we must #bringbackthekilt.

Hopefully you were never actually considering getting a male romper, though. If you were, seek therapy.

Image via Shutterstock

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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