Just when I thought I couldn’t lose any more brain cells, I decide to go on social media and what do I find but this:
Over the past few days, people have been going crazy over the release of male rompers. Rompers, for those of you who don’t know — and if you don’t know what a romper is, I’ll just go ahead and assume you have gone every summer of your life without female interaction — are an unholy cross between a prison jumpsuit and those sundress outfits girls wear to literally every college day drinking event. Male rompers are the next round of internet apparel/accessory stupidity, following in the footsteps of fidget spinners and free red bathing suits on Instagram.
Instead of focusing on these abominations, we as a society should work to bring back a bygone staple of male haberdashery: the kilt. Granted, I don’t know a lot about fashion since most of my wardrobe consists of Vineyard Vines, Armani Exchange, and free Greek life t-shirts, but from what I’ve seen, kilts are the ultimate “fuck you” clothing, and are perfect for every occasion. Going to a chapter event? Kilts look great with letters and Sperrys. Going to a wedding? I’m sure you can find a kilt that matches the groom’s color scheme. Going golfing? Get in touch with the sport’s Scottish roots by wearing everyone’s favorite fun — and breathable! — man skirt.
I know what you’re thinking: “Why would I wear a kilt? Isn’t that just a male skirt?” No, it’s not. You know who wore a kilt? Braveheart guy. William Williams, or whatever his name was. Have I ever actually seen Braveheart? No, but if Mel Gibson does it, it adds immediate credibility to it. And, since zero members of the Jersey Shore cast have ever worn a kilt, there’s a zero percent chance it makes you look like a douchebag.
Not only to replace the male romper, but also to bring upon all of us the sense of nobility that only a plaid, legless undergarment can provide, we must #bringbackthekilt.
Hopefully you were never actually considering getting a male romper, though. If you were, seek therapy..
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