I wrote that headline as if, were I in this man’s place, I wouldn’t do the exact same thing. More likely, in the literal split second the lion lunges and the man screams, I would have been much worse, and done some if not all of the following:
1. Piss my pants.
2. Shit my pants.
3. Ugly cry.
4. Scream with the emotion and pitch of Drew Barrymore in the opening scene of “Scream.”
5. Beg God to let me keep my life in a way that was so pathetic he’d probably come to regret ever giving it to me in the first place.
6. Offer to blow the lion in exchange for my life.
7. Offer up my rear to the lion in exchange for my life.
8. Ugly cry some more (throughout, really).
10. Have a heart attack and die.
So keeping that in mind, I probably shouldn’t laugh at this zookeeper for letting out this pitchy yelp as his jungle friend does what comes naturally to it (murder). But, also, HAHAHAHA idiot.
Yeah? It’s best to never show fear around lions? Here’s the thing about lions: lions don’t give a shit about anything you feel. They want your throat to be in their mouths and also not attached to you while it’s in their mouths.
Also, this is, almost exactly, a scene out of “Joe Dirt.”
Lions, can live with them… and that’s it. They’ll kill the shit out of you. They’re lions..