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Warren Sapp Doesn’t Tip Waitress, Leaves Cryptic Message Instead

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When I’m not taking classes and fratting it up at DeVry, I circumcise elephants for a living. The pay isn’t great, but the tips are enormous! BA DUM TSSSS #joke #Funnyjoke #KONY2013

Apparently for waitresses at Upper Deck Sports Bar and Grille in Hallandale, Fla., the tips are the opposite of enormous–they’re nonexistent. NFL Hall of Famer Warren Sapp decided to dine at Upper Deck before the USA-Belgium game, where he racked up a $69 tab. It’s a TFM. Now, for a man who made millions playing football, you’d think a measly 20 percent tip of $13.90 would be pocket change. You thought wrong. Not only did Sapp not tip his server, he left a note to try and justify his actions.

Now, I have absolutely zero clue what the fuck point Warren was trying to get across by telling the waitress he just fucked over that “Boys Don’t Tip!” I have literally no idea. Do any of y’all? Because I’m really confused in this cubicle right now. Gotta take a fat shit, but Dorn won’t let me leave until I finish writing this news piece and it’s hard to do that when I don’t know what’s going on. I’m clenchin’ hard, too. Broke a sweat about five minutes ago and I’m getting real buttery. Someone please tell me what he is talking about.

Sapp, you’re a bigger piece of shit than the one I’m about to go take care of.

[via Darren Rovell]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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