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A Virginia Tech Student Is Petitioning For Danny DeVito To Attend Her 21st Birthday Bar Crawl

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danny devito bar crawl virginia tech

Everyone has asked for stupid birthday gifts they knew they weren’t going to get. When I was five, I wanted a rollercoaster in my backyard. When I was 13, I wanted Megan Fox. When I was 18, I wanted a Ferrari. I got none of those things (although I’d gladly take Megan Fox a few years late). So I say now, for a change, let’s all band together and help make Virginia Tech student Colleen Cassidy’s birthday wish come true.

Cassidy wants something extra special for her birthday. Well, not something, but someONE. And who does she want? Legendary Hollywood actor Danny DeVito. More specifically, she wants DeVito to join up with her 21st birthday bar crawl. She even started an online petition for it. The last time I heard of a worthier cause, Sarah McLachlan was in a sad commercial with that “Angel” song playing in the background. I don’t always sign online petitions, but when I do, it’s for cool shit like this.

I can’t blame her for wanting Danny DeVito to be her drinking buddy for the night. His character Frank Reynolds in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is the best thing to happy to Philadelphia since the Rocky movies (only the first four; the fifth one sucked (but Creed was incredible)). I can already see her and DeVito walking around — matching 21st birthday sashes and all — as they down vodka shot after vodka shot. DeVito might be short, but I bet he sure as hell can hold his liquor. You know what they say: big things come in small packages.

Maybe we can even start a trend here of having celebrities meet their fans in bars for their big 2-1. Why stop at DeVito? I would’ve loved having Robert Downey Jr. come out with me on my 21st. There’s no doubt Ironman himself would’ve put everyone in the bar’s tab on Marvel’s credit card. Dwayne Johnson would be down for something like this too, I reckon. It’d be only fair — The Rock kind of owes all of us for that Central Intelligence movie. There’s no doubt in my mind I could go shot-for-shot with Ellen DeGeneres. Fan of Game of Thrones? Invite Peter Dinklage and break out the beer funnel in the middle of the bar. Just don’t invite Charlie Sheen — he might overdo it. I’m trying to have a good time, not die, Charlie. Leave the tiger blood at home.

They say “be the change you want to see in the world,” and I want to change the fact that this girl’s birthday is currently DeVito-less. Do it, Danny. First round’s on me.

Image via Shutterstock

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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