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How was your 4th of July? Pretty good, judging by the photo contest submissions I’ve been sifting through the past week.
While these are great, one man in Albuquerque, New Mexico raised the bar. Big time. Overcome with patriotic fervor on the anniversary of our great nation, 37-year-old Jesus Tarango stripped naked and ran onto the highway, waving his arms like a mad man. When police stopped him, he hopped in a deputy’s car and drove away.
Video shows the deputy trying to coax a naked man out of state road 245 near Clovis. Someone reported a nude man, later identified as 37-year-old Jesus Tarango, roaming the road.
The naked man sat down near the road at one point. Then, as the deputy motioned for other cars to pass, Tarango stood up, and tried to flag down a car.
Tarango stayed standing in the road. “OK get back over here let’s get on the grass OK?” The deputy told Tarango.
The man leaned on the deputy’s car. “OK that’s my car, no one’s in there,” the deputy said.
Tarango claimed he’d been poisoned. “How are you poisoned?” The deputy asked. Then, Tarango made his move.
“Sir! sir! Hey! get out of there, hey!” The deputy shouted, as the naked man took off in the deputy’s car.
“He’s stolen my unit, he’s taken off eastbound on Llano, in my unit, running ,” the deputy called out over his radio.
The Curry County deputy, now stranded on the side of the road, then heard Tarango speaking over his radio from inside the unit.
“I need help, this officer didn’t want to help me,” Tarango said. “I’m poisoned, that’s why I got the car.”
Deputies said Tarango drove himself to the local hospital. Another deputy intercepted the stolen unit. Tarango stopped the car in the hospital parking lot, and was taken into custody as he ran for the door.
The 4th of July is all about freedom from tyranny. Sticking it to the man. What better way to embody the spirit of the holiday than by plopping your naked scrotum on an officer’s driver seat, then peeling off into the night sky, fireworks crackling overhead?
I’m not advocating breaking the law. I’m just saying, if one of you happens to send me a photo of you hanging out of a stolen police cruiser butt naked, your package waving in the wind alongside Old Glory, the competition is automatically over. Fuck the vote. You win. I will personally deliver the Costa Yeti cooler to your fraternity brothers, who I expect will have it fully stocked by the time you get home from jail..