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Each Halloween, us guys are expected to be clever and creative on the fly with last second costumes while our female counterparts spend months preparing for the people-that-have-sex-cosplay holiday only to show up in the same few outfits year in and year out.
We get it. You’re hot and could show up in a bulky cardboard box and we’d still want to crawl into you at night’s end like a back alley hobo resting after a long day’s work of not getting shanked at the railroad tracks. That said, as TFM’s resident feminist, your free pass is over. It’s time for you ladies to step up your originality and stop going as these five things.
Let’s overlook that this is the ultimate mail-in job and focus on the fact that this movie came out over three decades ago. Back when people actually considered Tom Cruise to be a legitimate badass actor and not some cult crazed hobbit. Your knack for relevancy is unmatched. You’re probably still using the Snapchat dog filter as I type this.
None of us were born when this film came out, and I can almost guarantee any girl who rocks the oversized button down tee and high socks never even saw the damn scene. It’s finally time to put this look to bed.
This is as much a safety issue as it is a tired and dull costume. With the current social climate and attitude towards the men and women in blue, and a new tragedy every few months, I’m really just looking out for you girls. Some justice lunatic on the streets mistakes those cheeky booty shorts for a regulation uniform, and we’re talking serious danger. Plus, by Halloween, some left-wing nut of a school might somehow spin this apparel into being offensive in some ridiculous manner.
Nurses give sponge baths to 90-year-old, rotting, breathing corpses. They’re the stool movements collectors of the paralyzed and blood thirsty needle stickers of the sick. How did this become sexy? Get your Nurse Ratchet getup out of my face.
This promotes both bestiality and the sexuality of underage rabbits and has no place in current day Halloween.
Talk about a trigger warning. I’m having ‘Nam flashbacks of Sister Roseanne backhanding me with a wooden ruler in second grade at Our Lady of Fatima for questioning how God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are all the same person. You girls are really trying to bring out all of my Catholic guilt, huh? Thanks for ruining a perfectly good party ans reminding me that I’m destined to go to hell for the thoughts I’m currently having of defiling a woman of the habit..