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Brian Wardle, the head coach of the UW-Green Bay men’s basketball team, is a motivator. He shapes the lives of young men. He teaches them how to win, but more importantly, how to live. That’s the typical bullshit we say about coaches, right? You know who teaches kids how to live? John Calipari. He teaches them how to be millionaires, and that’s a life. You want a nice story about a coach, maybe check out Larry Brown or something. Brian Wardle, on the other hand, doesn’t even come close to fulfilling those old coaching cliches. He’s just a dick, but a pretty funny one.
Recently, UW-Green Bay player Ryan Bross came forward with complaints about Wardle’s coaching style, which is apparently part pledge master, part alcoholic, verbally abusive father figure. Is that redundant?
Bross has accused Wardle of the following (via Green Bay Press Gazette). Let’s break them down one by one:
…the coach made an ill Bross continue a workout until he couldn’t control his bowels and then ridiculed him for it.
Wardle ridiculed him after he defecated in his pants during a preseason conditioning drill, calling him “a piece of s—” and that “he had never seen such a big p—-” and continued to bring up that incident throughout the season.
You know who really got screwed on that? The team manager who had to towel up feces from a basketball court.
According to Bross, Wardle said: “We literally ran the s— out of one player” and that “we might need to try it again next year.”
As if it wasn’t hard enough to recruit players to UW-Green Bay already.
“I can assure you, Mrs. Jenkins, I will not force young Dremond here to sprint until he defecates himself. So, Dremond, how do you feel about soul crushing winters and cheese? Sounds pretty great, huh?”
Wardle used the homophobic slur “f—–” and accused Bross of being “a p—-” and “a c—” to indicate he was soft, Bross said.
Ryan, buddy, there are sororities that use harsher language than that, so suck it up.
Wardle told Bross he would be a better player if Bross had sex with a girl he was interested in dating, according to Bross.
That’s a new one in the lexicon of douche bag coaches. I actually laughed for a solid three minutes when I read that.
I really hope Coach Wardle didn’t know about Bross’ crush because Bross confided in him. Ryan, buddy, your secrets are NOT safe with the man who made you shit your pants and laughed about it.
Bross said that at least three times during the season, Wardle told him he would be a better player if he had sex. Bross’ mother said that bothered her son because he has strong religious beliefs, which she said is part of the reason he is transferring to Concordia (a Lutheran university).
“He named a girl’s name, I don’t know how he figured out her name, but he named a girl’s name that I was interested in and told me that if he brought her in and I had sex with her, that I would be playing better,” Bross said. “And that if I did, that then I would be a better athlete.”
That’s actually even better than Bross confiding in Wardle. Now I’m imagining Wardle sneakily following Bross around campus, watching his interactions, and angrily scribbling new insult ideas onto a notepad. That’s dedication to your craft, is what that is.
Also, Wardle sounds like a GREAT coach now. He was trying to get you laid, Ryan! I haven’t heard of a coach take that much of an interest in his players since Quin Snyder was sharing cocaine with his team at Mizzou.
I assume Wardle will be fired sooner or later; this seems like that type of situation. He’ll have to look elsewhere to find young lives to
Still, that’s some impressive hazing, Coach Wardle.
[via Green Bay Press Gazette]