University Of Iowa Freshman Faces Felony Charges For Burning Penis Shapes Into Dorm Ceiling

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Dicks are funny. What’s even funnier? Drawing dicks on places they shouldn’t be, like campus posters for the marching band or the Young Feminists Club.

But guys, you gotta be responsible about the way you slap dongs on shit. First and foremost, stick with markers. Not only do they enable you to achieve the sophisticated level of detail required of a top-notch pecker doodle, but they prevent you from getting slapped right back by the long, hard dick of the law, which is exactly what happened to this poor kid at the University of Iowa.

Freshman George Sotos, 18, is facing FELONY criminal complaints for burning penis-shaped designs into ceilings of his dormitory.

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From The Smoking Gun:

Apparently unconcerned that he could set fire to his entire dormitory, an Iowa college student twice used a lighter to burn “a derogatory design in the shape of a penis” into the residence’s ceiling tiles, police charge.

Cops allege that George Sotos, 18, “burnt/melted” his penis design into hallway ceilings inside the University of Iowa’s Slater Hall (where the freshman resides).

Sotos torched the ceilings on two separate days last month, according to felony criminal complaints accusing the young scholar of reckless use of fire and explosives.

An unnamed friend of Sotos told campus police that the Illinois native “admitted to burning a penis shape into the ceiling tile” in Slater Hall, a 500-student residence hall on the school’s Iowa City campus.

During questioning, Sotos (seen at right) reportedly “admitted to officers it would be possible he caused damage” inside the dorm.

First and foremost, fuck Soto’s “friend” for ratting him out. Secondly, why does Soto admit that it was “possible” he is the one responsible? Was he too blackout to remember for sure? Even if he was, the article doesn’t say anything about video evidence. Just deny that shit.

As one of the world’s foremost authorities on dick drawings, I commend Soto’s dedication to elevating the art form. Could he have torched the asbestos-filled ceiling and killed everyone inside either on the spot or years later due to mesothelioma? Yes. But I hope he doesn’t get railed too hard for this. It’s one of those situations where the kid didn’t know what he was doing had such potentially dire consequences. But then again, maybe motive doesn’t matter too much and stupid people should just be locked away to keep put the rest of us out of harm’s way for a while.

[via The Smoking Gun]

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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