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When it comes to colleges balancing the budget, too often officials are looking to cut back on the minimal fun stuff the school offers. Pep rallies? Gone. Free food? Gone. Free condoms? Gone. Finally, though, the University of Akron is actually being smart about what it’s looking to cut back on to save money: Friday classes. Please sweet baby Jesus, swaddled tightly in your gold manger, let this fantasy become a reality.
President Matthew Wilson says the university needs to find creative ways to save money and close a budget gap. He recently told members of the University Council that one idea being discussed is “developing a four-day core academic calendar that would guarantee students a three-day weekend,” according to the university. Fridays could be career and study days, he said. If feasible, the changes would occur in fall 2018.
Wilson made the comments “in the spirit of open communication and discussion,” [UA spokesman Wayne Hill] said in an email. “At this point, it is something that is just in the ‘what if’ stage and there is nothing further to discuss now.”
Ah yes. Fridays will definitely be dedicated to “career and study days.” Thankfully, most of your students’ career plans are to be bartenders and on Thursday nights they will soon be studying the effect of eight shots of tequila in under 30 minutes on a pledge brother. There is little well-renowned research about that topic and someone needs to bear down and get some facts ASAP!
A three-day weekend by eliminating Friday classes would be bonerific. Think of all the college football cities you could spend more time traveling to. Think of all the three-day formals weekends. Think of all the holidays that fall on Mondays that you get off so you’d have four-day weekends (Thanks Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and Martin Luther King).
When it comes to balancing the books, this is a proposal I can get behind. Eliminate Friday classes, win at life..
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