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UC Berkeley Facebook Page Reconnects Drunk Fornicators, Is Hilarious

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A Facebook page has been created for the students of UC Berkeley to assist them in reconnecting with their drunken, otherwise unidentifiable one-night-stand hookups. The page, named UC Berkeley Hook-Ups, is quickly gaining popularity at over 1,800 “likes,” and I’m going to credit the candid, funny, and often graphic nature of the posts as the reason why. I’ll provide examples later, but the page’s dedication to anonymity makes this place a magnificent, borderline pornographic free-for-all.

UC Berkeley Hook-Ups explains:

This page is specifically designed to help the fellow drunk locate his/her Berk town hookup. If you recognize you or your story post message me with your number. We will keep everything anonymous until we find a match [sic].

Now, from my observations and research (about five minutes of scanning through posts), the page serves a couple purposes: the first is, as described by the page’s moderator(s), to reestablish communication between those previously engaged in casual encounters, and the other is a message board roast. Some Cal students are getting destroyed in there, but then again, that’s what makes this so funny.

Here are some examples:

#20 Dear DKE boy,
You were the only guy around so I agreed to dance with you even though I was towering over you. I didn’t even mind when you started grabbing my ass in a pretty sexual way. But what the hell were you doing when you reached up my dress?! Your finger felt like a spastic shovel digging through my vag. And when I pulled away, it wasn’t because I felt violated it was because I felt like your jagged nails were going to ruin by precious puss you petite prick! Please learn how to properly finger fuck, you’re giving yourself and your frat a bad rep.
Never yours,
Girl in dress.

“I felt like your jagged nails were going to ruin by precious puss you petite prick!”… That’s gonna leave a mark. You short, pervy, finger-blasting DKE boy.

And then some cocaine-dick action from a Norwegian named Line.

#21 To the Norwegian chick i met at FIJI, doing blow off each other was great….especially when you did it off my dick with your mouth following by giving me the best head Ive had in past weekends. I think your name was Line.

Then we have this nerdy Asian gamer who turns into a stallion in the sheets.

#2 Last weekend I met some nerdy Asian freshman kid who liked videogames at a wild party. I was so wasted (im a girl btw) that I decided to give him a chance. We talked for a while and I humored him with some videogame discussion, he told me he liked some game called dodo 2. I was so drunk I told him I’d even roleplay his favorite character LOL. we went back to his room and he plowed me while calling me shit like ice maiden or something. anyway he was actually an epic fuck. if you hmu sometime soon we’ll get more into it next time ;}

And finally, we’ll close with a story that begins with your standard tit-for-cig transaction, then develops into fornication in front of sleeping roommates, but amazingly ends with a facial by the guy who takes his cigarette game very, very seriously.

#22 So I met this girl outside SAE last weekend. Presumable pretty drunk this bitch asks me for a cig, and being the quick thinker I am I ask her to show me her tits in exchange for a cigarette. She says she has to take me to her room to show me. So she does, and then seeing the invested interest I had she asks if i want to feel them. She gets me inside to a secluded location, and by secluded I mean her, her sleeping roommate and her roommates boyfriend. At any second I figure they may wake up, so while Im trying to enjoy getting my rock hard schlong serviced I begin thinking of a master plan to save all of my cigs and exit the room successfully. When the time was right I covered this chick face like liberals cover Berkeley! The deed was done and with no one awoken and all my cigarettes safely in hand. If you’re out there, please respond I am very interested in meeting your sleeping roomie☺

[via Campus Reform, Facebook]

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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