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Here are the best reasons to drink, ranked scientifically as fuck:
The idea of adding another official American holiday to the calendar excites me to no end. The fact that said holiday would be functional only makes it more enticing and attractive, if only because acting like an alcoholic on a functional holiday makes you a functional alcoholic, which is the best kind. Literally all of that is indisputable. Just let it be, okay?
Therefore, we here at Total Frat Move wholly support Senator Bernie Sanders’ (I-Vt.) proposal to make Election Day a national holiday.
“In America, we should be celebrating our democracy and doing everything possible to make it easier for people to participate in the political process. Election Day should be a national holiday so that everyone has the time and opportunity to vote. While this would not be a cure-all, it would indicate a national commitment to create a more vibrant democracy,” the progressive senator said in a statement.
Granted, Senator Sanders intends to introduce legislation to create the holiday to help combat poor voter turnout, which was at record lows during the recent midterm elections, and not to create another great American drinking day. No matter what the intention of the Election Day holiday is, however, it will almost certainly become a celebrated day of imbibing, especially among college students.
Think of all the events your fraternity could throw on (or before) Election Day. There are of course the obvious darty (day party) opportunities, wherein, for example, different drinks are given to people depending on how they voted, and anyone who didn’t vote has to drink whatever the hell the people that did vote tell them to. If a polling place is off campus, a party bus could run all day, taking people from your house to go vote. The amount of drunk assholes kicked out for belligerently campaigning within the 100 foot radius of the polling place despite warnings not to would be astronomical (if this holiday were a thing I would have gone to vote as close to the Texas campus as possible to see all the Wranglers and hemp arguing about Wendy Davis and Greg Abbott). The amount of people trying to bang in a polling booth is about increase times infinity as well.
This is a holiday I want. This is a holiday I need. I don’t care if it was proposed by some Vermont hippie, it’s genius. Let’s make this happen, America..
[via The Huffington Post]