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Two Bald Eagles Fight To Near-Death In Ultimate Display Of American Supremacy

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The American bald eagle is a great symbol of hope for both the patriots here in the USA, as well as the follicly-challenged worldwide. It’s an icon that is synonymous with freedom, right up there with the Statue of Liberty, the Chevy logo, and a picture of a crying Frenchman. We should probably be grateful that, as legend goes, Ben Franklin’s wild turkey suggestion didn’t win the honor of national bird.

The reason Franklin didn’t want the bald eagle as an American icon was because of its “bad moral character.” Clearly, all that flying-kites-in-lightning-storms business messed with the hundred dollar head. How else could someone be so dismissive of an animal capable of the following?

There was a crash landing Sunday at the Duluth International Airport, but it didn’t involve airplanes. Rather, it was two bald eagles, which were fighting in midair when they locked talons. In a rare spectacle of nature, they were unable to disengage in time before crashing to the runway.

“Apparently, mature eagles will sometimes fight over territories,” Randy Hanzal, a Minnesota conservation officer, told GrindTV in an email. “They will do battle in the air, crashing into each other and grabbing an intruding eagle with their talons.


“Surprisingly, the two eagles were remarkably calm as I grabbed them both and loaded them into the back of my truck,” Hanzal said. “I think they were still more intent on winning the battle than any concern for me.”


“Halfway to the rehabber, there was a ruckus in the back of the truck,” Hanzal told the News Tribune. “I looked around and saw feathers flying up. One of the eagles jumped out the back, onto my tailgate.”

That eagle flew away, apparently no worse for wear. The other eagle smartly hung around to get treated with antibiotics, fluids, and pain medication. The eagles were both expected to recover.


While the end result of the encounter was nearly cataclysmic, these eagles should at least feel reassured knowing that their aerial attack was still more successful than Andy Reid’s.

Two bald eagles fighting for the right to call themselves the king of bird kings. So awesome. It’s like the winged-equivalent of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr throwing down the gloves and holding a duel to see who gets to call the shots in this country. Only this time, everyone wins.

God bless America.



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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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