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I shot x-rays across my balls and fucked up my entire endocrine system, including my testosterone.
I wish I was kidding. You can watch the video of how I did it:
[WARNING: Sort of not safe for work, maybe, depending on if you think x-ray video is porn. Click to play.]
Oh yes, that’s real. In fact, I went on the Dr. Drew Show and talked about it. If you want to read the whole story about everything stupid I did before and after the video, you can read it all here.
Yes, it’s a funny story and video, but it’s not why TFM asked me to write this post. They asked me because I wrote a book about how I naturally increased my testosterone, and they think their audience–you fuckers–need this information.
Before I start, if you already know you want to read the book, you can get it three ways:
But you don’t even have to do that. I’ll tell you the basics of what you need right here, in this post.
The Bad News: What Will NOT Increase Your Testosterone
Let’s get this shit out of the way quick:
Your hormones cannot be fixed with pills*, tricks, small changes or supplements.
If you thought I’d tell you to buy my fancy new supplement, or pop a few quasi-legal pills, or do some weird type of ab crunch, then you’re SOL. None of that bullshit stands up to even the most basic scientific scrutiny, because none of it actually increases your testosterone. And don’t tell me about your buddy who put on 10 pounds of muscle with some shit he bought off the internet. Great, good for him. That has nothing to do with testosterone.
Why do none of these things work? Because of the way the human endocrine (hormone) system works.
Your testosterone, like all endocrine systems, stays in dynamic balance (homeostasis) through a complicated system of hormonal checks and balances. If you just try to trick it with things like hormone supplements, it will quickly fight back to reduce sensitivity to those supplements (e.g. by down-regulating testosterone production).
Basically, you can’t outsmart your body. The only sustainable way to boost testosterone is to build a healthy biochemical foundation so that your body feels, in effect, that it’s safe to spend energy on boosting testosterone levels.
This means that the ONLY safe, natural and effective way to address hormone imbalances is a focus on the core fundamentals of human existence: food, movement, sleep, thought, sex.
Fix those first, and your hormones will follow. Especially testosterone.
That’s the bad news. Sounds boring and tedious, right? It’s not.
[*The exception to this “pills don’t work” rule are people with legit biological hormonal issues that can only be addressed by testosterone replacement therapy. So yes, a pill or some of that old man gel they sell on TV can work. Except that TRT is horrendously damaging to a healthy male body, should be avoided if at all possible, and should be used only in those cases where there is no other possible option.]
The Good News: Quick & Easy Actually Work
But if you’re looking for a quick fix, that’s perfectly fine. You’ll see substantial results with the Minimum Effective Dose (MED) plan I present below in only 3 weeks (maybe less).
Remember, “quick” is not the same as “tricks.” Quick–if done right–can work.
And if you’re kinda lazy and don’t want to do a lot, that’s okay too. The MED plan is really easy to implement and, for the most part, really enjoyable too. I’m basically going to tell you to eat bacon, sleep late, lift heavy things (and have more sex too, if you can swing it).
Who doesn’t want to do that?
How To Use This Book/Advice
To see results, you don’t have to understand everything in this book (or this post). Just like you don’t have to understand electrical engineering to use a computer, you don’t need to understand the neurobiology of hormones to increase your testosterone.
In fact, like I said, you don’t really even need to read the book. If all you care about is immediate results and you’re willing to just take my recommendations, then skip down to the “The Minimum Effective Dose Plan,” and start it today. You can read the rest of my book at your leisure, if you ever do.
That being said, if you’re going to start messing with your hormones, it’s usually better to have a decent idea of what you are doing, and why. There are three fundamental aspects to naturally increasing your testosterone:
In my book, I briefly explain why each area is important. Then I walk you through the basics of the behavioral and biological science at the foundation of each category, and explain their (crucial) relevance to testosterone. From there, I give you a set of proven, tested plans to improve each area that you can immediately implement. For each area, I outline the Minimum Effective Dose plan, which is a great place to start and will be more than enough for most guys to see incredible results.
But I go beyond the Minimum Effective Dose within each category, because most guys find once they start getting results, that they want more. There is quite a bit of tinkering and specialization you can do to craft a plan that might work even better than the minimum, if you so choose.
At this point, it’s important to for you to understand that the ideal plan does not exist. Rather, the ideal plan is one that you have tested and iterated and is specific to YOU. My goal is to make you understand there are many paths to success in this area, and that you can use this book as a starting point and guide to find the right one for you, if that’s what you choose to do.
As I always tell my employees: Perfect is the enemy of good, and good actions always beat perfect plans that have no action. Just worry about doing a good job following any version of the plans laid out in here, and you’ll be fine.
The Minimum Effective Dose Plan
That’s all this plan is: the simplest set of actions that will get you increased testosterone.
That doesn’t mean the results will be small. For most men, this plan will produce very good results. I’ve seen this plan double the free and total testosterone for a lot of guys (triple in some cases). No guarantees of course, but this plan is an easy and effective place to start if you want to naturally increase your testosterone. It already worked really well for this guy.
Eating: The Slow Carb Diet
It’s pretty simple, only 5 real rules to it:
1) Avoid white carbohydrates (or any carbohydrate that can be white): If it is a carb, and it can be white, don’t eat it. This list is all of these things, in case you’re confused:
-no noodles (that are made from rice or flour)
Yes, I know those foods can be delicious. They also make you disastrously sick, and impair your body’s ability to make testosterone. Cut them out.
2) Eat the same few meals over and over: Most people are much more likely to stick with a diet plan if it doesn’t involve a lot of decision making. One way to do that is to eat same few meals repeatedly. I’ll give you some guidelines for creating these meals further down.
3) Don’t drink calories: Do not drink ANYTHING that has calories. No milk, fruit juices, regular soda, etc. You can drink massive quantities of water, and as much unsweetened iced tea, tea, diet drinks, coffee (without cream), or other no-calorie drinks as you want.
4) Don’t eat fruit: A lot of people think that because fruit has vitamins and nutrients, they can eat as much as they want. Fruit is also loaded with sugar and, therefore, off limits.
5) Take one day off per week: This is most everyone’s favorite part of this diet: the off day. Eat anything and everything that you want. This is useful both psychologically (because it makes the rest of the week easier) and physically (because spiking caloric intake increases fat loss by keeping your metabolism from down regulating). So if you feel like you are going to miss bread and pasta too much, just save it all for one day a week, and pig out then. Problem solved.
I will tell you this: the first few months when I was on the Slow Carb, I would go nuts on off days, and feel like shit afterwards, and gain a ton of weight (which admittedly, all fell off within a day or two). I realized that I was eating more than I even wanted to, and eating things I didn’t even like, just because it was an off day. So I added a personal rule that my off days were still “gluten free.” This way I could get lots of sugary and carby treats, like ice cream and french fries, but not have the awful wheat impact on my body and my hormones. I felt like it improved the diet a lot, at least for me.
What Can You Eat?
A lot. This is SUCH an easy way to eat. In fact, this is basically the way humans ate for, oh, 100,000 years or so before the advent of agriculture.
What does an average meal on the Slow Carb Diet look like? The easiest way to create a meal plan is to mix and match together one food from each of the following categories:
Proteins: Eggs, chicken, steak, beef, pork, lamb, fish. Pretty much any animal flesh.
Legumes: Lentils, Black beans, Pinto beans
Vegetables: Spinach, sweet potatoes, Asparagus, Peas, Mixed vegetables, Broccoli, Green beans, Sauerkraut (or any pickled or fermented vegetable)
NOTE: If there is one thing you really need to pay attention to, it’s that you need to make sure you add enough legumes or good starches to your meals to make up for the lost grains and sugars. A big problem people on the Slow Carb Diet face is being hungry a lot at first, but that’s because they aren’t eating enough fat and legumes to replace the caloric load of the lost sugars and grains.
That’s it. If you need more information or more ideas, use any of the free resources below:
More Free Information On The Slow Carb Diet:
Exercise: Basic Strength Training
Time commitment: 2x a week, 45-60 mins per workout
Day 1 (Monday):
Squat, 5 sets x 4-6 reps
Barbell Overhead press, 5 sets x 4-6 reps
Bent Over Row (barbell is preferable, but can use dumbbells), 5 sets x 4-6 reps
Day 2 (Thursday):
Deadlift, 5 sets x 4-6 reps
Bench Press, 5 sets x 4-6 reps
Pull-ups, 5 sets x AMAP (as many as possible)
How To Bent Over Row Properly: Here
Form: Here’s the key to this workout: FORM. You need to pay a lot of attention to your form, especially on the squat and deadlift. They both look like very simple exercises, and in some ways they are, but if you do them wrong, they are much less effective. And if you use heavy weights and do them WAY wrong, you can get hurt. Don’t do them wrong. If you can’t get help from anyone, then film yourself with your smartphone, and compare it to the videos you see here.
Reps: The reps are set at 4-6 for very good, very important neurological reasons. All sets should be with a weight you can do at least 4 times, but not more than 6. If you can do more than 6 reps, add weight. If you can’t do 4 reps, take weight off.
Warm-up: As with all exercise routines, make sure you warm up first. Five minutes on the exercise bike is fine. And then do a very light set one (or maybe) two times with each exercise before you start the heavy loads. So for example, if my working weight on the bench press is in the 225lbs range, I’ll do 135lbs like 10 times, then 185lbs maybe 8 times, before I put 225 on and start doing 5 sets of 5 reps (for example).
90 seconds rest: Definitely give yourself rest between sets, but not more than 90 seconds. I usually take the full 90 seconds between sets, because if you’re lifting heavy, you’ll need the rest.
Track: This program does require you to keep track of your weights a little bit. You don’t have to go crazy with tracking apps or anything like that. Use a notepad if you need it. Just remember where your weight was last time you did that exercise, and start there.
NOTE: If you are young and super energetic, 2x a week with this program may not be enough of a workload for you. If that’s the case, go 3x or maybe even 4x a week. Don’t go above 4, you need rest.
Sleep: Get it.
I’ll try to be as clear as I can here:
Get 8-9 hours of sleep, in a completely dark room, every single night.
That’s the minimum effective dose. You can’t cheat this (plenty more explanation why in the book).
That’s it. Do this simple plan for one month, and you’ll get results. If you don’t get results, or you want more results, go read the actual book and start adding things.
If this isn’t enough info for you, if you’re one of those people who like to read, then get the whole book. It explains everything in deep detail:
Get it free here (see, I’m not trying to sell you anything)