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Grandex recently announced the position opening for Office Manager. The full-time position requires the hired candidate to join our team at our Headquarters in Austin. Suffice it to say, we’ll be spending a lot of time with this person. Since the announcement, we’ve received plenty of résumés and cover letters from worthy and qualified candidates. None of the candidates, however, are as qualified as this guy.
He has skills. Lots of them. He has skills. “Out. The. Ass.” Below is the actual cover letter he sent us.
Frat star? ✓
Uses highly inappropriate language and sexual references? ✓
Frat swoop dating back to 1993? ✓
Insulting to current Grandex employees? ✓
A perfect cover letter.
The first thing that jumps out to me is his impressive grasp of the English language. Strong grammar is an under-appreciated rarity these days. He also sent us his résumé. Here’s the thing: the 2012 University of Southern Mississippi graduate actually has some decent credentials (Note: I’m not including his résumé because it could possibly give away his identity). Given his experience, skills, and unbridled audacity, he could dominate this pozish.
Imagine the joy of walking into our office and being greeted at the front desk by a try-hard in a bow tie and inseam-less nuthuggers. Talk about a tone setter. He’d be so excited to be here every day that he’d accomplish every task with unprecedented efficiency and intensity. Kid’s got the heart of a lion, and simply put, we need that around here.
In case you were wondering if he was in a fraternity, here’s the actual four-page portfolio he attached to his email:
We have to get this kid on board. Have to. He has potential coming out of his Chubbies.