Say what you want about Donald Trump — he encourages hatred, war crimes committed by our troops, abuse of women, and the banging of his own daughter — but the man knows how to hook his boys up.

It’s pretty much what his entire campaign is based upon: “I have spent decades paying off politicians in exchange for favors, I know how the game works better than anyone.” We’re starting to now see how this strategy will play out in a potential Trump administration, as former GOP candidate Dr. Ben Carson has recently some out saying he endorsed the man formerly known as Drumpf in exchange for getting promised a job.

From RedState:

Dr. Ben Carson: I do believe, and certainly in my discussions with Donald Trump, he does love America and he does want to be successful. And, he will surround himself with very good people.

Newsmax’s Steve Malzberg: And will one of them be Dr. Ben Carson?

Carson: I will be doing things as well, yeah.

Malzberg: In the administration.

Carson: Certainly in an advisory capacity.

Malzberg: That’s been determined? You’ve, when you sat down with him that was discussed?

Carson: Yes.

Was Trump Carson’s first choice? Hell nah. But bruh hooked him up with a job.

From Gawker:

“I didn’t see a path for Kasich, who I like, or for Rubio, who I like. As far as Cruz is concerned, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to draw independents and Democrats, unless has has some kind of miraculous change,” Carson explained. “Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes. But that scenario isn’t available.”

What’s going on here is a classic postgrad “I need a job” situation. Graduation is over, you’re left scrambling for employment, and now you have to turn to that one douchebag brother for a job, the same one who used to get aggressively drunk every Tuesday and knock three girls over, the same one who’s only in your friend circle because his dad paid a cool million to get him in the door. And now, just like real life hostage Chris Christie before him, Carson’s forced to sell his soul just to stay in the game. Which, ThinkProgress points out, is illegal.

It is illegal for a candidate to promise “the appointment of any person to any public or private position or employment, for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy.

Absolutely amazing. A dude who ran as an anti-politician (even though his entire campaign was an elaborate scam to pay his friends has now joined forces with the federal bureaucracy by way of the very system he decried. America, what a country.

This is just another example of why E-board can never be trusted. They’re all a bunch of corrupt, overachieving motherfuckers who circle jerk each other. Bribes on bribes on bribes. Next time E-Board tries to tell you not to blast K-Pop music at your asshole neighbors South Korea-style, you ask them how much they’re getting paid off.

As for what exact position Ben “real life Rain Man” Carson will be taking on in the Drumpf cabinet, it’s unclear, but my best bet is that Carson will be Ambassador to the Ancient Egyptian Pyramids Used as Grain Silos..

[via RedState, Gawker, ThinkProgress ]

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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