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Total Tiny House Frat Moves

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Times are tough, y’all. Or so I’ve heard. I wouldn’t know, personally. While shining my Sperrys, some of the local poors recently told me that money has become harder for them to scrounge up lately. Out of a dumpster, I assume. That’s how poor people get money, right? They dig it out of trash cans? I imagine the ones who live by me have it pretty good since I use twenties to wipe my ass whenever we run out of toilet paper, which is often considering I got the irritable bowels. Those fuckers are probably just throwing down at Arby’s the entire day after I get diarrhea, which, odds are, I got from Arby’s. I bet they do some diarrhea dance, too, as a means of pleasing their God in an attempt to get him to curse me with the shits so they can enjoy a bountiful harvest. They’re poor, though, which means their God has already forsaken them, so in the end it’s all pointless. Those poor, poor poors.

Since there is a money shortage among the working class, some college students have taken to living in alternative housing. If you’re like this guy or this guy, that alternative housing comes in the form of a tiny house.

You read that right. A tiny house, like in the show “Tiny House Hunters” (which is not a show about midget realtors, like I originally thought). These college students have foregone living with their friends to live cheaply in a homemade shack, like the driftwood hobos of yesteryear. I both hate and respect them.

This got me thinking…what frat moves can be pulled in a tiny house? Find out below.

  1. Mobility being so restricted that you have no option but to cum on her face. TTHFM.
  2. Always having a packed house. TTHFM.
  3. Padding your ceiling so girls don’t slam their head on it during reverse cowgirl. TTHFM.
  4. Your house’s natural ability to attract little people playing right into your midget fetish. TTHFM.
  5. Having to dress up your house like Dexter Morgan’s kill room when you have sex so you don’t get jizz on everything. TTHFM.
  6. “I like my bourbon neat, my steaks medium rare, and my houses hand-built.” TTHFM.
  7. Blaming your lack of condoms on storage limitations. TTHFM.
  8. Your slam making you breakfast in bed while she’s still in bed. TTHFM.
  9. House cleanings and house tours are a breeze. TTHFM.
  10. “We’re top tiny house.” TTHFM.
  11. Having a one night stand in an area too small to fit one nightstand. TTHFM.
  12. Nothing says “no fat chicks” like a house fat chicks literally can’t fit into. TTHFM.
  13. Having a proclivity for tight quarters. TTHFM.
  14. Your penis looking a lot bigger by comparison. TTHFM.
  15. Having dirty sex on every surface in the house without even having to move. TTHFM.
  16. Not having to kick her out the next morning because she left as soon as she woke up and saw she was in a tiny house. It’s a TTHFM.

Image via WCAX

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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