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With how many sites are putting out lists these days, it may seem like StuffFratPeopleLike is working overtime. The truth of the matter is that lists are both easy to read and engaging, allowing for maximum clickability. Didn’t expect to get a lesson in internet traffic from your ol’ pal DeVry, did ya? I know all about that shit. Bitches love a man who goes on the internet a lot. Why do you think I picked DeVry over MIT? The bitches. Also, I didn’t get into MIT.
Without further ado, here is CollegeEnquirer’s list of the “Top 10 Best” Fraternities:
1. Tau Kappa Epsilon
2. Sigma Phi Epsilon
3. Kappa Sigma
4. Sigma Alpha Epsilon
5. Sigma Chi
6. Pi Kappa Alpha
7. Lambda Chi Alpha
8. Sigma Nu
9. Phi Kappa Psi
10. Phi Delta Theta
Some noteworthy points:
1. I know my fraternity at DeVry, KSG (Kony Sucks, Guys) is a local one, but it’s pretty Mugsy BOGUS that these philistines didn’t include us on this list. Our annual philanthropy event, “Krapping for KONY,” has been wildly successful. I am not going to go into the full details, but pretty much the whole idea is that all of the brothers eat four Chipotle burritos in one hour and whoever shits the most wins. Chill as fuck, right? Not only do the bitches love it, but we raised $117.50 last year! I mean yeah, after you take out the cost of the burritos ($100) we only raised $17.50, and yeah, our philanthropy chair can’t read Swahili and accidentally donated the money to Kony’s guerrilla army instead of to the group working to stop Kony, but whatever. It’s just great to see that we’re making a difference in the world.
2. I know you tricky little devils scrolled down here to see what I was going to say about TKE grabbing the top spot. Well sucks to be you guys, because I’m withholding comment. And if you have a problem with that, you’re just as bad as those snizztards over at TKE.
3. Nowhere in the column does it mention the criterion used to formulate this list. Because of this, I’m forced to conclude that this list is complete shit that’s wrapped in a clickable title, devised for the sole purpose of getting page views. What kind of sick, sick fuck would do such a thing? On an unrelated note, stay tuned for my latest column: “The Top 10 Hot Piece Nude Pictures.”
4. “Top 10 Best” is stupid and redundant.