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This video is NOT okay with me. We must protect this man at all costs. Preserve him. When he’s not on the field dropping dimes to mediocre white receivers, we need to make sure he doesn’t leave his house. Maybe not even his bedroom. Just stay in there and have sex with your perfect wife and study defenses.
No riding bikes, no jumping on trampolines, no can openers into the pool, no toasting his own bread. No anything. We need Tom playing football until he can no longer walk. He’s that good. He’s that perfect. He’s that much better than everyone else at football and at life.
And I fucking hate the Patriots.
Yard sale! Not a bad little fall for even your everyday gaper. But that’s Tom Perfect. The golden boy. He’s worth a trillion dollars and has an entire city’s happiness riding on his health.
These guys’ contracts include some pretty clear language that prevents them from doing things like skiing, right? It’s like no riding motorcycles, no cliff diving, no wing-suiting off the side of mountains, and no Sonny Bono-ing. No one is going to tell Tom what he can and can’t do, I guess, but there are so many puckered buttholes in Boston right now.
A lot of this:
P.S. Hey Tom go to Vail for me on time..