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This Wall Street Secret Fraternity Is Way More Awesome Than Yours

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Think your fraternity is God’s gift to exclusivity? Guess again. According to New York Magazine, there exists on Wall Street a secret society for the real movers and shakers of world economy. The name of the fraternity is Kappa Beta Phi, and the name of its game is power moves.

The TL;DR of the article can be boiled down to this: In January 2012, some whiny reporter, then working at flash-in-the-pan tabloid The New York Times, crashed Kappa Beta Phi’s annual initiation in New York. The 1 percent fraternity, founded at the beginning of the Great Depression (power move) includes such bigwig members as former mayor Michael Bloomberg, CEOs of Wall Street firms, and some of President Obama’s top donors. What I’m getting at here is this: I’m not saying there was a lot of wealth in this room when this geed crashed the party, but I’m pretty sure that the restrooms were stocked with trust funds in lieu of toilet paper.



2012 Kappa Beta Phi neophyte class.


Worthless billionaire pledges singing a “The Book Of Mormon” parody.

As one would expect from a former Times reporter, the entire New York Magazine piece has a very original “LOOK AT THESE ECONOMY-RUINING JERKS TELLING JOKES YERP DE DERP” vibe to it. Haters gonna hate, man. Why should our kidnapper overlords job creators let the blight of paupers rain on their caviar parade? Wall Street CEOs spending their day crying in the corner isn’t going to get the economy going again.

What I would do to spend a day in the wing-tipped shoes of Kappa Beta Phi, a fraternity that makes yours look like scum.

[via New York Magazine]

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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