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This Kid Wants To Rage More Than You Want Anything In Life

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The below email is a bit lengthy, so here’s the gist of it: A freshman at Colorado State has decided to transfer to a southern school after only one semester because the CSU party scene is falling short of his expectations. He makes it abundantly clear that he wants to basically abandon his initial education goals in lieu of partying himself into oblivion.

He harbors so much angst about the southern partying he’s missing out on, he seeks our advice in making the most out of his second and final semester at CSU. He literally “craves” a good banger. Craves it. Has to have it.

His email is below.

Masters of Frat,

Id first off like to say that your website, app, whatever it is, is pretty fuckin cool.

Lately I have reached a dilemma in my life. I dont party hard enough. This is the situation. Im a native Coloradoan and I currently am a Freshman at Colorado State University. I originally opted for Boulder due to factors of rage but they do have the program that I want. Currently I am looking to transfer next year to a big southern school (UGA or FSU perhaps?) for a few reasons. More like two reasons of equal strength.

While I love Colorado with all my heart, I need to experience something totally different and also I need to be able to party harder. Getting fucked up is never a problem but doing so in an environment that most magnifies the crazyness of getting fucked up is what i really crave I did not join a fraternity this first semester in order to “test the waters” so to speak and get a feel for the ways of things.

Because I will Likely transfer I do not plan on joining one this upcoming semester either but plan on rushing upon transfer. That said I am in a predicament of finding the most rage possible until the year is over. In your Top Party Schools of 2016, Colorado State is marked as a runner up to the list but frankly I do not see it. I have yet to find the pure and unbridled rage that my heart so desires. Yes, there are plenty of parties most every Friday and Saturday but it seems that the vast majority of these are just small house parties that seldom attract over 70ish people with many being below 30.

While I am not in the position to make a valid observation of the quality of frat parties it seems that they too are somewhat low-key and there is not a lot of buzz surrounding the fraternities and their doings. I dont know if I am just ignorant to high quality rage in Foco or if i am indeed seeing an accurate representation of the party scene. This is why I need your help. You must have clear reasons for listing CSU as an honorable mention and I need this info to better understand how to find the top rageyness that I so crave.

It is my goal to live this next semester up to its highest potential and I am trying to use all my resources to make it so. Your advice would be much appreciated.

Stay crae,

B****** C***

I’d first like to mention that the above email was sent to us in a single paragraph. That’s over 400 words in one giant mass of text. Just impossible to read. What kind of monster does that? Double tap ‘return’ for me one time!

Alright, so I love how this guy starts out his email by saying he chose to attend Colorado State over other schools because it offers a particular program that he wants to earn a degree in. Great! College is all about preparing for a career, after all. Then, just ONE SEMESTER in, he’s already completely intent on pulling the ejection cord on his intended major simply so he can party his dick off in a warmer climate. He’s going to pack up his toboggan and water bong and head southeast to pay out-of-state tuition, catch a tan, and search for bangers.

The kid is still learning the names of campus buildings, has taken exactly one set of finals, probably hasn’t even completely unpacked the boxes in his dorm room yet, and he’s all “fuck it, I’m out this hoe.” Unbelievable. Just 50 words in and he’s already completely over the education aspect of college. Makes no mention of it again. I wish I wanted anything in life as badly as this kid wants to find a campus banger.

UGA and FSU, huh? I wonder why those are your contenders

I’m not quite sure where I’m taking this. I might not even answer the dude’s question. I guess I simply wanted to share his lust for a good time with all of you. Kid’s got gusto, you have to admit.

I’ve been told we’re not allowed to endorse hardcore drug use on the site, so maybe experiment with drugs or something that’s out. I don’t know what to tell you, man, but I admire the passion.

P.S. Good luck getting Mom and Dad onboard with this plan, assuming they’re funding this mess.

P.P.S. Don’t ever call me “Master of Frat” again.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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