This Acid-Tripping, Havoc-Wreaking Pennsylvania Kid Needs To Find Jesus

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I’m certainly no proponent of Dean Wormer logic, but replace “fat, dumb, and stupid” with “naked, violently tripping on LSD, and lubed up with cooking oil,” and I might be so inclined as to see a fair point to be gleaned from that.

Especially if the perpetrator of the latter trifecta happens to be Lonnie Beatty II. The 19-year-old Pennsylvanian found himself in quite the legal predicament after he decided to trip on LSD, get completely naked, cover his entire body in cooking oil, and wreak absolute havoc on a family of five inside their trailer.

From The Smoking Gun:

Police from three separate departments gathered outside the home after receiving a report that Beatty was attacking five household members (which included children). As officers approached the trailer door, Beatty burst outside, screaming, “No, no, no, no!”

Beatty then jumped off the trailer’s porch and “ran naked through the snow” in the front yard en route to the roadway. When Beatty ignored police orders to stop running around, a cop “deployed the Taser, which stopped Beatty and he fell to the ground.”

However, due to icy conditions, cops could not get to Beatty before he “just kept rolling on the ground until he pulled the wires off the Taser.” Beatty then continued to race around, while officers “could not get close to him due to the icy conditions.”

A second Taser strike appeared to have no effect on Beatty, who subsequently was corralled inside the trailer. Police, however, had difficulty controlling Beatty since he was “naked and covered in cooking oil.”

Now look, I’m all for safe experimentation when it comes to most drugs, but you have to know your limits and what is and isn’t for you. Particularly with hallucinogens like LSD, which pretty much require you to be in a solid state of mind going in or else you’ll see spiders or zombies or your disappointed dad lecturing you in his Vietnam fatigues about the importance of going to law school.

I don’t what it is Lonnie saw that caused him to go batshit, but thank god for the family dog.

Beatty’s relatives told cops that after taking acid he got out of control and began striking them and destroying the residence. At one point, a witness said, the family dog bit Beatty “to protect them from him.”

Beatty was originally charged with 24 misdemeanor counts, including assault, endangering the welfare of children, and making terroristic threats. However, since his girlfriend and family members have refused to pursue charges, the case against Beatty has been pared down to single counts of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Considering what could have happened if the family had decided to press charges, Lonnie Beatty II got off pretty lucky here. Who knows, maybe this whole fiasco will be his come to Jesus moment, and he’ll decide to clean his life up a little bit.

[via The Smoking Gun]

Image via Shutterstock

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