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Thief Tries To Rob Pizza Delivery Guy With A Knife, Delivery Guy Has Gun, Thief Dies

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Heh, isn’t that just like a pizza thief? Brings a knife to a gunfight.

I wonder if the pizza was Chicago style, because that driver certainly delivered Chicago style justice. As I read further through the story, I’ve learned that the pizza was from Domino’s, so it was actually awful style pizza, not Chicago style.

There are few less dignified ways to die than being gunned down by a Domino’s deliveryman. Let’s see if I can think of a few:

1) Being anally fucked to death by a horse…on film.
2) Putting too many Skittles in your mouth at once, chewing them into one big blob, but then swallowing too soon and choking to death on the blob.
3) Playing any sort of online computer game until your lifestyle becomes so sedentary that your body says, “Fuck it, he’s not using me,” and dies.
4) Suicide bomber.
5) Clown-fear induced heart attack at a circus or carnival.
6) Eating so terribly that you get diabetes, continuing to eat terribly, losing your feet to diabetes, and then dying in a house fire started by overcooking pizza rolls in a toaster oven and being unable to escape the blaze because you don’t have feet anymore.
7) Slipping on a banana peel and falling to your death.
8) Purchasing Segway and then riding a Segway off a cliff.

Notice auto-erotic asphyxiation was not listed. That’s more dignified than this:

Domino’s employee Bryon Park, 54, had just returned to his vehicle after delivering a pizza to a room in a Days Inn motel in West Melbourne, Fla., about midnight Friday when Fredrick Lorenza Kelly Jr., 32, approached him with a large knife, the Brevard Times reports.

Kelly allegedly threatened to kill Park if he didn’t hand over money. A police official reports Park grabbed a gun he carries in his vehicle and fired once toward Kelly, who was later pronounced dead at the scene.

Of course this happened in Florida.

Anyway, there’s your “The 2nd Amendment works” update for the day.

[via Conservative Post]


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