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There’s Concern That Men’s Shorts Are Getting Too Short

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This aggression will not stand. The Wall Street Journal suggests that the amount of hairy tree trunk that men are now showing is getting out of control. Yet we are free men, able to do as we damn well please. There’s nothing quite like the sensation of strolling out of the house in a pair of nut huggers and feeling the warm breeze dance through your lush forest of velvet-like thigh hair. It’s breathtaking.

In fact, I’d say that short fashion has never been in a better place. Long gone are the days of cargo shorts and JNCOs being fashionable. Showing more than a little thigh is the modern man’s way of saying, “Look who brought the nuts to the party. I’m here to steal all of your babes. I mean, look at this moose knuckle.”

The Wall Street Journal says:

“…Given how change in the menswear world is measured—think millimeters per decade rather than centimeters per season for women’s wear—shorts are shortening quickly. In the past few years, the low-water-mark length of a 15-inch-or-so inseam receded to knee-length (11 inches), then a knee-baring 9 inches, then to a quadriceps-exposing 7 inches and on to the newly fashionable thigh-flaunting 5 inches. If men’s shorts were a glacier in Greenland, scientists would be freaking out.”

Quite the science pun there. The joke here is that men’s shorts are shrinking at an alarming rate. I say let them shrink. If I want to look like Chevy Chase in “Vacation,” then let me. Let me showcase my astonishing bulge and racehorse-quality quads to the world. I’ve worked my entire life to find the perfect fat-to-muscle ratio in my man trunks. Don’t judge those who wish to push the envelope.

[via WSJ]

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The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don't know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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