There are many outside of our ranks who would look upon Greek life as a homogenized conglomerate of frat stars and frockets, devoid of diverse opinions and assorted attitudes. I’d like to correct that mistake. Under our lettered exteriors lurk critical and divisive topics, broken down into two competing schools of thought. Today, we’ll be taking a closer look at those two types of people.
Being in a fraternity inherently comes with an adoption of many values, among them loyalty, brotherhood, and devotion. At some point in the course of every long-standing and well-functioning chapter, there comes an urge to gather around you like-minded symbols that express these fundamental ideals central to your organization. What mascot better encapsulates all that we as fraternity men stand for than a well-trained and loyal frat hound?
Indeed, frat hounds can become such cherished and integrated representatives of our chapters so as to achieve statuses more important than many members. They get brought to every tailgate, are fed abundantly by every brother who just can’t say no to that face, and are taken on more walks than an astronaut on a space mission. They receive boundless attention and profit immensely from it.
Contrary to popular media, the several chapters that I know possessing frat pups take better care of them than many independent owners do. While those with anti-Greek agendas would like to think of us all as degenerates unfit to raise a cactus, the fact is that dogs owned by Greeks generally enjoy better lives than almost any other canines on campus.
Besides being a perfect example of many of the qualities that we hold dear, frat hound ownership comes with a suite of benefits practically unparalleled by any other type of activity. The magnetism that an obedient and adorable frat pup possesses with the ladies is undeniable. Throw a bow tie on any lab, retriever, or collie and it is game, set, match. Suddenly, your walks around the block feel less like exercise breaks and more like poon parades. There does not exist a better reason to get a girl to come back to the house than the promise of a playful pup. Even in its absence, a frat hound can be the best social lubricant. Have an adorable picture saved on your phone and suddenly everyone wants your number.
Additionally, fraternity men understand that a dog’s behavior is an excellent indicator of its owner. A well-trained frat hound affords the opportunity to showcase the cohesiveness of your brotherhood, as well as your dedication and discipline. Every good chapter recognizes that having a dog to fetch you another beer or defend your stolen composite is completely worth any amount of time and work it took to get there. Lazy dog equals lazy chapter.
Although frat goats as a Greek institution are certainly not new, they have flown under the radar for quite some time. While previously being the eccentric choice of rowdier houses, the frat goat has reemerged, and is quickly gaining ground on many college campuses. Much of the newfound respect for these ruminant animals can be attributed to the heroic and inspiring life of one goat in particular, Tennessee Tech University Kappa Sigma’s frat goat Ranger. It was with truly heavy hearts that we all learned of his passing, and, while I hate reopening old wounds, perhaps one of his many great legacies can be a newfound appreciation for frat goats everywhere.
One look at an adorable, bounding goat prancing around full of life and it becomes obvious. On a per-pound basis, frat goats may be the cutest animals to roam the planet. Even into adulthood and old age, a frat goat retains the same youthful charm it possessed when it was just a kid. And, just like the hounds mentioned above, frat goats utilize that lifelong charm to elicit the ooh’s and ah’s from spellbound sorority women at every opportunity. The mention of a frat goat not only produces an instant and insatiable urge to revel in the undeniable cuteness, but a bit of intrigue as well. In a world full of frat hounds, being the chapter with a frat goat may separate you from the pack and make your mascot something truly special.
Finally, although the raw number of activities that you can do with a frat goat may be limited when compared with that of a trained dog, this has both its benefits and pitfalls. Even chaotic chapters should be equipped enough to raise a goat, and, unlike dogs, the obedience of a frat goat is not as directly a representation of the chapter. Goats are lively and somewhat rebellious by nature, so the occasional escape or eaten undergarment can be much more easily forgiven. Despite this, frat goats frequently become loyal companions and cherished mascots, and chapters with a lovable frat goat equate the times and experiences shared with these animals to those had with any frat hound on the market.
In summary, whether your chapter is looking more for a panty-raiding retriever or a game-enhancing goat, it is on common ground that we can stand to appreciate all of the memories and experiences shared with our loyal companions. Just make sure no one in your chapter ever gets a snake..