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Alright, gang, I’m about to get real honest with y’all. Come in close. Closer. I know I’ve been firing off these Weekly Dump posts all cocky like, but truth be told, it’s not all golden toilets and two-ply toilet paper. Sure, on the outside, I’m the complete and total picture of confidence. An artist painting a poop portrait. But on the inside, it’s a whole different ballgame, complete with self-doubt and constant questioning. Do they even read this? Is all this work I’m putting in even going noticed? Is life even worth living?
So, I guess what I’m trying to get at is that it’s time to call it quits on The Weekly Dump. I’m pulling the plug. Fin. I appreciate all you loyal Dumpers out there, but the constant mental strain and anguish just isn’t sustainable. Thanks for the memories. *Rides off into the sunset*
Psyche! *DJ Khaled voice* Anotha one! Brrrrappppppp brappppppppp. *Bass drop*
I am back. In this bitch. To talk about shit. Again. Leettttttt’sssssss Fucccckkkkkiinnggggg Gooooooooooooooooooo!
Patients Want Poop Transplants. Here’s How To Make Them Safe
Neill Stollman has been called the Tupac of poop transplants. The Oakland-based, board-certified gastroenterologist didn’t invent the treatment. But he did bring it to the west coast. His first patient was a woman in her 80s with a horrible case of Clostridium difficile, a gut infection that can strike patients after a course of antibiotics clears out their existing bacterial community. It’s also one of the deadliest antibiotic-resistant threats in the US, costing the healthcare system an estimated $5 billion each year. Drugs had stopped working for the woman, and without some kind of treatment, she was going to die.
So Stollman took a stool sample provided by the patient’s nurse’s husband, made a poop shake, and performed California’s first fecal microbiota transplant—a so-called FMT. The new bacteria repopulated her gut and she made a full recovery. Since then, Stollman has successfully performed the procedure hundreds of times, though he no longer has to ask his staff to break out the blender. Now he gets a few frozen poopsicles a week, which he can thaw out on a patient-by-patient basis. “I used to be the only guy doing this for 500 miles,” he says. “I had to beg my staff to do it.” Today, 98 percent of the US population lives within two hours of a fecal transplant provider.
They had me at “the Tupac of poop transplants.” Such a wild comparison, but I’m 100% on board with it. I really hope there’s a poop transplant specialist from Brooklyn who they called “the Biggie Smalls of poop transplants,” and the two of them start feuding over who can make the better poopsicle. That would be most excellent.
You’ve got to hand it to this Stollman guy, though. Everyone thought he was some sort of lunatic, and now look at where he’s at. You’ve got poop transplant centers popping up all over the West Coast like McDonald’s franchises. He’s basically like the Ray Kroc of shit, but a crock of shit he is not.
Why Can’t I Poop On Vacation? Your Gut Doesn’t Want To Relax The Same Way You Do
When you leave for a vacation, you’re looking forward to a chance to unwind and relax. But if you have trouble pooping away from home, vacation can be a pretty stressful experience. If you’re able to use the bathroom regardless of where you are, you’re probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about, but vacation constipation is real, and those of us who deal with it often spend most of our time away from home feeling uncomfortable. If you’ve ever found yourself on vacation completely unable to poop, you’re not alone. According to Reader’s Digest, 40 percent of people have trouble pooping while they travel. Dr. Daniel Motola, a gastroenterologist and hepatologist at NYU Langone Medical Center, says that humans are “creatures of routine,” and when we change things up, our digestive systems are affected.
Not to brag, but kind of to brag, I can shit pretty much anywhere. A porta potty. An airplane bathroom. In a subway. So, I can’t really relate to not being able to shit while on vacation. Honestly, I didn’t even know this is something that people deal with. Aren’t you supposed to be relaxed when you’re on vacation? Wouldn’t that make it easier to shit? I’m no Dr. Daniel Motola, but this sounds like a made-up issue just to sell more copies of Reader’s Digest.
Stay woke, fam. Stay woke.
Poop Proof: Ancient Greeks Suffered from Gut Parasites
From Live Science:
Modern scholars suspected that parasitic worms described in the medical text “Hippocratic Corpus” were actually roundworms, pinworms and tapeworms, but there was no physical evidence to back that up.
However, archaeologists recently discovered remnants of ancient poo that bolster historians’ theory about Hippocrates’ diagnostic prowess.
The poop — by now decomposed into soil — was found adhering to pelvic bones from a burial site on the Greek island of Kea, which holds remains dating from about 4,000 B.C. in the Neolithic period to A.D. 330. The researchers found that the fecal remnants contained eggs from two types of intestinal parasites — whipworm and roundworm — giving a modern name to Hippocrates’ ancient diagnoses from 2,500 years ago and providing the earliest evidence of parasitic worms in the people of ancient Greece, the study authors reported.
Sounds like the Greeks could’ve really used the Tupac of poop transplants..
Image via Pixabay