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The U.S. Government Spent $1.3 Million To See If Beer Koozies Worked

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In a book called “Wastebook: The Farce Awakens,” Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ) chronicles more than $100 billion in egregious government spending, including a $1.3 million study to determine if beer koozies succeed in keeping our precious Nattys nice and cold.

Do they? According to LifeHacker, a study conducted by researchers and students at the University of Washington in Seattle concluded that they do (I’m not 100 percent sure it’s the same study the government dished out over a million for, but how many scientific koozie experiments could there be?).

At 35 °C and a relative humidity greater than 60%, the temperature rise due to latent heating exceeds that due to heat transfer from dry air: Latent heating is the dominant factor warming your cold beer. The rate of latent heating decreases as the outside of the can warms, and the heating ceases completely once the can’s surface temperature exceeds the dew point (the temperature to which air with a given water-vapor content must be cooled to become saturated) and water no longer condenses on it.

Groundbreaking stuff. I’d say it was worth every penny if I hadn’t already seen the results myself through years of field testing.

Flake shared more of the unnecessary and costly studies, paid in American tax dollars, on the FOX News show “On The Record.”

From FOX 11:

Flake went “On the Record” tonight to reveal some examples of wasteful spending from his 286-page report, including $276,000 on a study to find out why some people date out of their league, $1.3 million to determine if beer koozies really work, $780,000 to find out if pizza is as addictive as crack and $5 million to get hipsters to stop smoking.

On camera, Flake explains these types of studies used to be given the green-light by Congressional earmarking. Now, the funds are collected by specialized agencies authorized by the government.

“It sounds like the ideas for some of these were come up with in a frat house or something,” Flake told Greta Van Susteren

Hey now. Fraternities conduct all kinds of meaningful experiments on a daily basis. Here are some of the more notable studies:

Are the effects of alcohol increased when absorbed through anal tissue? (Skinny, Tripp. 2004.)
Will the applied force of Garrett’s fist puncture the dry wall in the basement? (Wiggles, Balls, Hescher. 1987.)
Where is the clitoris located? (Buscemi. 2013.)

The results: yes, yes, and inconclusive.

[via FOX 11]

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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