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The Taliban Released A Video Of A U.S. Dog They’re Holding Hostage

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I’m no geo-political expert or anything, but this deserves a SEAL extraction followed by a tactical nuclear strike, right? This is the one time I’ll agree with PETA and their general belief that an animal’s life is worth more than a human’s, at least as long as those humans are Taliban fighters and the dog is a U.S. service canine, or just adorable. Actually, pretty much any dog is better than the Taliban. Except Cujo. He’s a dog AND a terrorist. Nature’s ultimate killer.

The captured service dog is a Belgian Malinois, a breed typically used by U.S. Special Forces. It has yet to be named, but according to the Taliban, it was captured back in December, after a prolonged engagement between U.S. forces and Taliban fighters in Afghanistan’s Laghman province. The dog holds the rank of colonel.

According to the Washington Post, the Taliban are pretty stoked about their capture.

“Allah gave victory to the mujahideen!” one of the fighters exclaims. “Down with them, down with their spies!”

It’s a dog, guys. A badass hero dog who deserves to live out his days smashing poodles and eating prime rib, but a dog nonetheless. I’m sure the families of all your Taliban buds who died violently in the firefight from which you captured the dog are all high-fiving each other and shouting, “WORTH IT!”

This is the first time any experts can recall a dog being used as a hostage, likely because it’s a really fucking stupid and pointless thing to do. This was supposed to be a piece of Taliban propaganda, illustrating one more thing the Taliban is terrible at, because unless you’re already super pro-Taliban, who is going to look at a video of a bunch of heavily-armed men shouting down out a doe-eyed dog and think, “Hmm yes, I sympathize with those guys.”

Here’s hoping our canine Colonel channels Sergeant Stubby, the hero dog of World War I, and mangles a few Taliban dicks before escaping to freedom.

Seriously, let the dog go you sick assholes.

[via The Washington Post]

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