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The Spring Rush Manifesto

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I understand exactly where you spring rush guys are coming from. I was a spring pledge. And as someone who went through one semester as a GDI, let me tell you this: you still have the chance to make the best decision of your life.

I went to an out-of-state university. Coming into college, I only knew the people I had met at orientation. At the beginning of my freshman year, I was so focused on meeting people around me that I didn’t even pay much attention to Greek life. I never actually decided I wasn’t going to rush, I just hadn’t even seen it as an option. My lack of consideration was probably aided by the fact that the dorm I lived in as a freshman, Sellery Hall, was always ranked as one of the top party dorms in the country. Which, as a Greek sophomore, I now realize is the most freshman, geediest-sounding thing I’ve ever heard. “YEAHHHH PARTY DORMMM! OHH SHIT SHUT THE DOOR THE RA’S COMING!”

So that was the beginning of my freshman year. I didn’t get man-crush hit on by guys at a rush party, never talked to a brother about the sports I played in high school at a rush event, and never had to choose between drinking an ounce of dip spit or an ounce of cum.

And I didn’t care. If you had asked me about my first semester as a college student, I would have told you it was awesome. The best time of my life.

And it was. It was a phenomenal way to ease myself into college life. I thought I was doing college right. Little did I know the best decision I’d ever make was one I had never even considered an option.

I rushed in the spring.

Everyone that missed fall rush has their excuses for why they did. I don’t see how any of these reasons validate not rushing in the spring. Even if you decide it’s not for you in the end, you won’t know until you’ve tried it. And trust me, when you try it, you’ll know.

Let me dispel the main reasons that may hinder your decision to rush this spring.

But what about all the friends I’ve made?

Some people will tell you that “you’ll make better friends,” and just leave it at that. While this is both hilarious and FaF, I’m not going say that you’ll make better friends; I made friends during my semester as a GDI that I will have my whole life. While you won’t necessarily make better friends, the bonds you form with your brothers as you share crazy college experiences with them creates a connection that is different than a normal friendship. A connection that you need to experience to understand. In short, keep the friends that matter close. If they stick by you through your pledge semester, they are worth keeping around.

Stick by me through my pledge semester? What do you mean?

Oh yeah. You’re gonna be busy. Super busy. Like, almost never at your dorm busy. But it’s going to be worth it. Your pledge semester will be one of the best times of your life. You will make some of the best friends you will ever have. These are the guys who are going to be with you at your trashcan while you puke, at your wedding, and at your funeral. Your pledge semester will be the best time you never want to have again. Get ready. You’re in for a doozy. And oh yeah, if you’re pledging my fraternity at DeVry, KSG (Kony Sucks, Guys), you need to suck a dude’s dick to get in. Don’t worry though, it’s mine.

Will people make fun of me for being a Spring Pledge?

Probably. But you just have to deal with it. I mean hey, your old pal DeVry Guy is a spring pledge, and I’m super fratastic, right guys? RIGHT????
We kinda deserve to be made fun of. We fucked up.

Okay, you convinced me. I want to be a fratstar like you, DeVry Guy. How do I go about rushing?

Wow, that’s the first time I’ve convinced someone to do something since I “convinced” my neighbor’s pregnant Labrador retriever to lick my peanut butter-covered genitals. Okay, if you have any friends in fraternities that you’ve heard good things about, start there. Tell them you’re thinking of rushing and they’ll get the recruitment chair in contact with you. You can also go to an IFC recruitment event. These events, if your school has them, will have delegates from every fraternity. Talk to the guys and be prepared to answer the same questions over and over. Make a game out of trying to spot the obviously drunk upperclassmen, get invited to some rush parties/events and go from there.

I hope this information has been useful. If I can convince just one future fraternity member in GDIsguise to rush this spring, then my job has been done.

It’s a TFM.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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