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God, is social media not the best? Why help out some piss drunk bastard when you can just follow closely behind and document his night of buffoonery for the entire world to see? Getting hella Snapchat views is what’s really important, after all.
Thankfully, a few UTC students shared this opinion and filmed the trials and tribulations of a blacked out classmate rather than intervening.
It’s trouble from the start when we find our protagonist alone at the bar on a flip phone. You have to imagine anyone still lugging around a Motorola Razr in 2016 has a history of poor decision making. Despite the “lights out” charisma demonstrated in the next two snaps, he’s unsuccessful in his quest to make new friends and potentially salvage a ride home. Next, the phone call. No dice. I guess when you’re still on EDGE network, cell bars are hard to come by. That’s pre-3G for all you youngins out there.
So homeboy is left to fend for himself and gets behind the wheel, but has enough self awareness to walk away before mistakenly driving off — yet not enough to actually turn the car off. He proceeds to wander aimlessly for bit, somehow gets his hands on another beer, and miraculously talks his way out of an open container and public intoxication with an officer.
Inspiring stuff all around and the commentating by Matt and the ladies of “Asuh” and “He’s still got his fucking beer” really drive home how unbelievable of an underdog story this truly is. However, just when it seems like this inebriated Cubs fan is home scot-free, his pride gets the best of him and his luck eventually runs out. That backroad, “safe play” detour known as the campus sidewalk just didn’t pan out nearly as well as previously anticipated and the police finally popped him for drunk driving.
What a roller-coaster journey. The highest of highs and lowest of lows. Shout out to Matt and company for continuing to responsibly observe and record from afar — essentially stalking this menace to society — instead of offering a helping hand. You’re the real MVPs. .
Image via Youtube