NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

The Pros And Cons Of Prostitution

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Screen Shot 2014-02-05 at 11.44.03 AM

Is it okay to bang hookers? The question has been spinning the moral compass of mankind since the dawn of time when the first smelly cavewoman took a big fat cave dick up the ass for a bunch of seashells.

Some guys shamelessly plow through Bangkok whorehouses with the confidence of a condom salesman. Other guys get defensive about the question itself and say, “I would never pay for sex!”

Inevitably, everyone must come face-to-face with the reality of prostitution. You’ll either be as happy as a pig in shit or you’ll fold like a cheap lawn chair. In that moment, a man discovers what he is capable of. The choice will determine the course of the rest of his life, for better or for worse.

If you ever find yourself in that situation, here are some helpful pros and cons on the subject.

Pro: It’s sex!
Con: It’s expensive sex.

Pro: You don’t have to care about her feelings.
Con: Her feelings are buried deep under pressurized layers of drunken daddy issues and missed dance recitals. They could violently explode at any time and you don’t want to know what the back of her pimp’s hand feels like.

Pro: You never have to see her again if you don’t want to.
Con: She’s just a phone call away, waiting to suck all your cash out of your cock.

Pro: You don’t have to worry about games.
Con: It could be an undercover sting, which would burn much more than when you pee in the morning.

Pro: It’s really easy to do.
Con: It’s really sleazy to do.

Pro: Sometimes they let you put cigarettes out on them.
Con: I’m not really sure if that’s a pro or not.

Pro: If you don’t have cash, drugs will work.
Con: Only the most expensive hoes accept credit cards. It’s the perfect excuse to take advantage of those 1 percent cash back rewards.

Pro: Exchange Rate: The dollar buys a lot of pussy in third world countries.
Con: Sexchange Rate: It’s probably a dude.

Pro: She’ll swallow your sperm for fifty bucks.
Con: You may lose sensitivity to amateur blowjobs.

Pro: You’re supporting the economy and creating jobs.

Pro: You don’t have to make her cum.
Con: She can only cum when addressed as a dog and choked to the edge of consciousness.

Pro: You don’t have to cuddle afterwards.
Con: Her crabs will give you all the cuddling you need.

Pro: On Valentine’s Day you can go to the ATM, then give her ATM.
Con: You’re with a hooker on Valentine’s Day. Mom will be proud.

Pro: You can invest thousands in the best sex of your life.
Con: You can burn a $5 on a toothless meth beej.

Pro: You can easily tag team with your bros.
Con: You inadvertently adopt thousands of Eskimo brothers.

Pro: You don’t have to worry about whether or not she has kids.
Con: Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Pro: No need to be nice because hookers aren’t real human beings.
Con: Karma condemns you to have a whore for a daughter.

Pro: Anyone can get laid, no matter how ugly he is.
Con: That atrociously ugly dude’s spooge is probably still inside her.

Pro: Money falls out of them when you beat them with baseball bats.
Con: That’s only in Grand Theft Auto. In real life you go to jail and get your asshole unexpectedly expanded by an Aryan with teardrops tattooed on his dong.

Pro: Your girlfriend won’t find out…
Con: …until you give her herpes.

Email this to a friend


RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

19 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed