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Columns

The Morning Bump: Talk Is Cheap

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Mornings are dog shit. You’re tired and hungover, but you have to get out of bed and do stuff. So you could use a little motivation. A little pick-me-up. A little morning bump, if you will. Well here you go, chief. Put this metaphorical straw to your nose and snort.

They’ll Never Take Our Freedom

Nothing like a little William Wallace to get you jacked up in the morning. That speech is like ten cups of coffee, or a heavy dose of Adderall, straight to the brain. Wallace didn’t take no shit, and neither should you. Grab today by the balls, and take your motherfucking freedom, friend.

I’m Your Huckleberry

“Tombstone” is highly underrated. So much man shit goes down in that movie. Doc Holliday is consistently shit-faced to the point of serious illness and yet still manages to embarrass every single loser he goes up against. If he can do as much cool shit as he does with a poisonous amount of booze gushing through his veins, what’s your excuse for not being that badass? Strap on your metaphorical pistols and get to gettin’. There’s winning to be done today.

You Want It? Come And Get It

Give a dog a bone. Leave a dog alone. Let a dog roam and he’ll find his way home. Let that sink in. Now go do a wheelie on a motorcycle.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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