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The Morning Bump: Danger Zone

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Mornings are dog shit. You’re tired and you’re hungover, but you have to get out of bed and do stuff. So you could use a little motivation. A little pick-me-up. A little morning bump, if you will. Well here you go, friend. Put this metaphorical straw to your nose and snort.

Wake Up Watching Mike Tyson Put People To Sleep

Attack today like Mike Tyson attacked every man that stepped into the ring with him. Iron Mike ate pieces of shit for breakfast. Literal pieces of shit. What’d you have for breakfast? Some fucking cereal? A granola bar? Mike Tyson had crack cocaine for breakfast. How much would it take for you to step into the ring with Mike Tyson in his prime? $10,000? $50,000? $1,000,000? You’d basically have 50-50 odds of survival — keep that in mind. On to the next video.

Get Shit Done

That’s called taking care of business. Sometimes you’ve gotta do shit you don’t necessarily want to do. Shit that has really negative consequences. Shit like murdering the chief of police and a reputed mobster at the same time, and then moving to Italy until the heat dies down. Aw, you’re supposed to go to the gym today? Just do it, you big baby. At least you don’t have to shoot anyone in the face. Rule No. 76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

Ride Into The Danger Zone

Be dangerous. Be so dangerous that Val Kilmer doesn’t like you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and it could be your last. Now get out there and live like it, bitch. Side note: next time I get my hair cut, I’m asking for the Kenny Loggins.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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