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I’m no financial wiz. In fact, explaining the stock market, hedge funds, IRAs, and 401Ks to me is essentially explaining color to the blind or enjoyment to feminists. It’s a fruitless battle. Like why do I need to save money for retirement? First off, we’re being a little optimistic thinking I’m making it to 65. If total heart failure from rapid weight fluctuation and pre-workout doesn’t get me, the trash compactor my bookie ties me to for unpaid debt will. But in the unlikely event that I make it to the age of discounted movie tickets, that money saved up would be useless, as I’ll be Scrooge McDuck diving into my vault of gold coins by then. Having a 401K is settling for a boring, mediocre, middle-class life. I digress, but the point is I’m economically — and maybe just generally — retarded.
So when I heard two-thirds of Americans couldn’t pass a basic financial literacy test, I felt much better about myself.
All told, a new study, which was released today, estimated that nearly two-thirds of Americans couldn’t pass a basic financial literacy test, meaning they got fewer than four answers correct on a five-question quiz. Worse, the percentage of those who can pass the test has fallen consistently since the financial crisis to 37% last year, from 42% in 2009.
These findings come from the National Capability Study by the FINRA Foundation, which surveyed 27,564 Americans, from June through October of last year. FINRA in an quasi-government organization that regulates brokers and Wall Street.
Bonds presented one of the biggest problems for respondents of the survey. Just 28% knew what happens to bond prices when interest rates fall. (They rise.) And less than half of all Americans appear to be able to answer basic questions about financial risk.
That satisfaction of shared stupidity was short-lived, as I took the test, and now I’m genuinely worried about this country.
Easy softball question to start. But again, they’re giving me too much credit if they think I’m just putting away $100 like that.
If your penis grows 1 inch but you inflate the women you’re having sex with from 115 pounds to 250 pounds, does your confidence grow, shrink, or stay the same? Pretty basic stuff.
I won’t lie to you guys, these were complete guesses. Just sounded right.
Shoutout to my truck and credit card payments for helping me solve this riddle.
Had to break out the calculator here.
A victory for Dan is a loss for all of mankind..
Image via Shutterstock
Now listen to some guys that actually know what they’re talking about in this week’s “Dudes Doing Business” podcast.