When it comes to non-violent methods of seriously messing with someone’s head, serially pooping right outside someone’s house has to come pretty close to peak diabolicalness.
Well, it looks like the deuce is loose outside one family’s house in Colorado Springs, courtesy of some psycho lady dubbed “The Mad Pooper” who just keeps running by and shitting on their lawn.
Cathy Budde says her kids caught her first mid-squat, pants down and unashamed.
“They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious?'” Budde recalled. “‘Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!'”
The family says it was just the first time it actually caught the runner doing it, but it wouldn’t be the last. Budde estimates the runner leaves behind human waste at least once a week. She says “The Mad Pooper” has been at it for the last seven weeks.
The “Yeah, sorry!” comment is the real kicker here. It’s like this chick is somehow being compelled by forces outside of her control to keep shitting outside the same family’s house.
She may as well have said, “I know this sucks for you, but just let keep pooping here for like three more weeks, and then I’ll finally be free of the demons!” That actually sounds like a decent idea for a horror movie. Once Hollywood is done murdering that Annabelle series to death, they should get on that. Poopanormal Activity, coming to theaters next fall.
But whatever The Mad Pooper’s motive is, it’s got everyone involved in the case completely stumped.
Now the Colorado Springs Police Department is involved. The department is just as baffled. It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career,” Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti said. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing … it’s uncharted territory for me.”
Officers have asked Budde to take photos of the woman to help identify her. They say the runner could be facing charges of indecent exposure and public defecation.
“I put a sign on the wall that’s like ‘please, I’m begging you, please stop.’ … She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped,” Budde admits, defeated.
Budde family members say one of the worst parts is they can’t figure out the woman’s motives.
“There’s plenty of public restrooms less than a block away from where she’s targeting. This is intentional.”
Ah, so now we’re getting somewhere. Cathy 100% (allegedly) fucked The Mad Pooper’s boyfriend or husband, and now The Mad Pooper is in full-on bunny boiler mode. I hope that (alleged) dicking was worth it, Cathy. Because much like an elephant, a mad pooper never forgets. And also like an elephant, a mad pooper takes massive, massive shits..