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The Five Levels Of Slutty Halloween — His And Her POV

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1. Silly, Not Sexy

Silly, Not Sexy
Guy: Well isn’t that cute. Sure this girl isn’t going to drop any jaws or turn any heads, but you’ve got to have at least a little appreciation for a girl with a sense of humor. Granted, there’s a pretty slim chance that this appreciation will take a sexual form, but I’m sure she’s a really sweet girl on the inside. Too bad it’s not the kind of “inside” you’re looking to get into on Halloween night.

Girl: If you’re not trying to slut up Halloween, your only move is hilarity. I adore a girl ballsy enough to go this route come Halloween, because it’s tough not being the cutest girl in the room (not that I’d know). This is a totally awesome way to say “I can get attention without the use of my tits,” but then again, why would you want to do that?

2. Just Add Ears

Just Add Ears

Guy: Some girls just put on a headdress and think that they’re covered for the entire holiday. Newsflash, ladies, we notice your lack of effort and all I can think about when I see a half-assed costume is how little thought and dedication she must put into the other parts of her life. If you can’t spice yourself up on the one day of the year when wearing ANYTHING is acceptable, how can I possibly expect you to give a good blowjob?

Girl: LAME! Halloween is the perfect time to put your crafting skills to good use. I’m unimpressed with the black going out skirt, red tank top, and ladybug wings that you’ve decided to call a “costume.” You have the liberty of letting it all most of it hang out tonight, and you’re just going to wear what you’d normally wear with a “cat in a bag” costume? BO-RING.

3. Pushing The Limit

Pushing The Limit

Guy: So, you’ve finally found the line between a boring outfit and a costume that screams “I’m begging to get stuffed tonight.” In my opinion, you can still do better, but every guy appreciates a girl who leaves a little to the imagination. As long as you aren’t hiding a horrible disfigurement or birthmark under that tiny bit of clothing, then you’re just fine in my book.

Girl: This, in my mind, is the Halloween goal. You’ve got on a corset and some booty shorts, or a bare midriff with leggings? It’s perfection. By wearing something sexier than you would year-round, you’ve absolutely utilized the liberty that comes with being a hot girl on Halloween, while sending the message, “Slut is just a costume. If not for holiday spirit, I’d pretend I had morals.” Kudos.

4. Operation Intercourse

Operation Intercourse

Guy: You’re clearly on a mission, and I respect that. While other girls bask in nothing more than an exaggerated amount of cleavage, you hit the bars in nothing but underwear and a tiny accessory to offset the overwhelming aura of slore. Your night is not a matter of “who” you’ll sleep up with. It’s more a question of “when,” “where,” and “in what orifice.”

Girl: I know you think that “no other girls can say anything” on Halloween, but that pumpkin turns back into a judgmental frenemy when the clock strikes 12. If you are wearing a bra and panties, no matter how good you look in them, girls will hate you. There are three ways to do slutty: belly out, boobies out, booty out. The unspoken rule of Halloween is that you can only choose TWO of them. No one likes a rule-breaker…unless they’re the rule-breaker themselves.

5. Naked


Guy: Why don’t more girls do this?????

Girl: I can’t even.


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