There is a new piece of technology being hailed as “the Fitbit, but for your penis.”
Currently undergoing crowdfunding, the Lovely is basically a high-tech, stretchy, vibrating cock ring that slides onto the base of your shaft. It uses “built in sensors and sophisticated algorithms” to determine calories burned, average top speed, and g-forces exerted. Supposedly, it can even tell when each partner climaxes, which will destroy the illusion girls have been so kind in creating for me.
This data is then sent to the Lovely phone app along with “handy tips and suggestions,” so you and your partner can snuggle up afterwards and watch as a computer shits all over your lovemaking skills. You can also rate how well you enjoyed the app’s suggestions.
If the team’s funding target is met, they’ll unleash this bad boy for a price of $169.
He just gave his girl’s performance a 3/5 right in front of her. Bold move.
This will settle so many bets in the house. When two brothers come to a disagreement over which one of them lays better pipe, just have them slide this thing on their wangs next time they manage to bring a girl home. No longer will word of mouth be the determining factor for crowning the Sultan of Sex, the Messiah of Minge, the Hero of Ham Wallet.
As someone who’s all talk, here’s to hoping this thing never reaches the light of day..