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The End of Internet Privacy

There is a new threat to privacy on the Internet. It’s called CIPSA and it completely sucks balls. If you haven’t already heard about it, CIPSA stands for Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act. It will give the military broad new powers to spy on the civilian Internet and share information about you with corporations and government agencies. The bill passed in the House last week and will be on the Senate floor in the weeks to come. CIPSA is a big Fuck You to Freedom, which inclines me to incite rebellion. The military’s only purpose is to destroy shitty people in shitty places that threaten my freedom to say “Fuck You”. They shouldn’t be spying on me. My webcam light just turned on… and I happen to be naked right now… Oh well… Fuck it.

There is a lot of concern that the bill’s terms are too broad, especially a provision that defines “cyber threat intelligence” as “information… pertaining to the protection of a system or network from… theft or misappropriation of private or government information, intellectual property, or personal information.”

What the fuck does that even mean? That is the most vague piece of legalese bullshit I’ve ever read. Ever since civil rights were sodomized by the “Patriot” Act, there has been a growing trend in the U.S. government. They draft bills that are specifically designed to be ambiguous and difficult to understand. Then they rush it through Congress like Paris Hilton on tour in a dick factory. The representative’s just vote for whatever the slutty lobbyists can suck out of them. Most vote for shit without actually reading the bill and understanding what the implications are for freedom and society.

That’s how lawmakers skull fuck our liberties. They use vague terms that can be construed in a thousand different ways. They get away with it because they assume that you, the good citizenry of the greatest nation on Earth, are really fucking stupid. For the most part they are right. Americans don’t know or care about real politics. “Politics” in America is just a daytime TV puppet show about an Elephant and a Donkey who never seem to agree on anything. Most don’t realize that it’s the same sketchy puppeteer shoving his hands up both parties’ buttholes. Americans are generally blind to what is actually going on in the world. We are more concerned with what famous football player got traded to what team and which celebrity whore has gobbled up the most nut.

The Electronic Frontier Foundation believes that terms in the bill are “so broad it could be used as a blunt instrument to attack websites like The Pirate Bay or WikiLeaks.”

Now I don’t know about you, but I like WikiLeaks. I like to know that my government can’t completely operate in the shadows. Julian Assange has been under arrest for more than 500 days without charges. That’s fucking insane. Julian Assange gives private information on corporations to you for free and he’s a villain. Mark Zuckerberg gives your private information to corporations for money and he’s Man of the Year. Our entire cultural perspective on politics is like a kindergartener grappling with quantum mechanics. Evil empires and corporations all around the world are terrified that the people might one day see the light of truth that WikiLeaks exposes. They are using bullshit sound bytes like “cyber security threats” to justify direct censorship of the Internet and military surveillance of all citizens online.

I also like The Pirate Bay, mainly because of free music and movies. Fuck the MPAA and RIAA, for real. Your entire industry is obsolete, please leave the Internet alone. You’ll have to skim your billions off the top elsewhere, you soul sucking dick weasels.

SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) was killed in Congress following the largest online protest in history on Jan 18th 2012. This was due to a massive Internet “black out”. Google and Wikipedia blacked out their sites and millions of websites went down. However, CIPSA doesn’t have the same kind of opposition from Silicon Valley that SOPA had. Internet giants like Google and Facebook actually support it. This makes it imminently more dangerous. That means that the government and Silicon Valley are in collusion. It’s a big circle jerk and Internet privacy is the biscuit.

The Internet allows for democracy to really work for the first time ever. It has never before been easier to access information and share it with other people. Emailing your congressmen and signing petitions against the government is as simple as checking your email and clicking a link. As insignificant peasants, the Internet gives us power in numbers. Civil participation in our democracy has gone viral. We stopped SOPA and PIPA, but if we do not act now to stop CIPSA, we may lose one of the most valuable tools human beings have ever created. I don’t need the NSA to have a file on me filled with Weapons of Ass Destruction, Starshit Poopers, and How Stella Got Her Tube Packed.

Don’t let them scare you. Don’t get caught up in the modern McCarthyism of “terrorism” and “cyber security”. Freedom is not something that comes easily. It must be fought for and earned. Our soldiers have shed blood to defend freedom for hundreds of years. But now, the war has gone online. It is a war to determine what information we can and cannot have access to. It is a war for your identity… and it’s time to fight.

Get involved. It’s so easy a caveman could not do it, mainly because the Internet would blow his puny Cro-Magnon mind. You’re a moron if you’re not concerned about this and you suck as a citizen if you can’t even click “Send” to tell your congressmen how you feel about how fucked up our government is.

Follow what’s going on from the front lines at EFF.org, DemandProgress.org, FightForTheFuture.org, and SumOfUs.org. Also make sure to follow @YourAnonNews for up to the minute Anonymous updates.

Sign the petitions, email your congressmen, make the message viral on Facebook and use #FuckCIPSA on Twitter.

Do it you useless bastards.

Follow me on Twitter @RageTheory

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RageTheory

RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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