NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

The Beauty Of Roof Drinking

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Roof Drinking

Drinking is a product of its environment. If you’re at a high-octane party, chances are your consumption methods involve more paraphernalia and titties than a Bangkok sex dungeon. At the bar, you’re more interested in those babes in the booth over or what’s on TV than you are on anything else. It requires a certain mindset to drink like that, one that’s prepared for equal parts imbibing and socializing. If you can wake up every morning ready to party your face off, then good on you. Chances are you’re too busy being hand deep in a honey hole to even read this, or anything for that matter. If you’re not that guy, then you know that the best setting for casual beers is on the roof.

Not only does a roof grant the freedom associated with other forms of outdoor drinking, it does so with panache. It’s scientifically proven that elevation makes things better. Why else would people yearn for penthouses over walk-ups? Your station in life has a direct correlation with how high up you are, and your decision to drink on the roof reflects that. Not only is your chill factor sky high, but it comes with the added benefit of surveying your domain. Regardless of which roof you choose, you’ll find your boozing is so much better.

In the meat of college years well-spent, the house roof is a go-to spot. The ability to lord over passing peasants as you crack brews on home turf is a game changer. As you look over the ramparts of your castle, a beer in hand, it’s evident to any un-anointed pedestrians that their lot in life is inferior to yours. No matter how many band t-shirts they collect, or how much ultimate they play, the hallowed surface of that roof will never be open to them. Your conversations, ranging from the nipple size of ladies you’ve met to the mysteries of human existence, are ones that will never fall on unworthy ears. All of that will cross their minds in the time it takes to gaze upon superior specimens literally situated above them. No matter how relaxed or rowdy the situation, it’s one such people will never know.

Flash forward to your post grad years, and you’ll become acquainted with the roof of an apartment. The wide-open space lends itself perfectly to lawn chairs or kiddie pools and lets you turn up some jams as high as you please. After a long day at an internship or the office, absolutely nothing eclipses a couple brews on the roof while Three Dog Night reminds you that Jeremiah was a bullfrog. You’ll probably have your inner circle whittled down to a visiting pledge brother and a few cool people from work, so nobody’s looking to stick a funnel in their mouth anymore. They just want to drink the way our forefathers intended and maybe grab some pizza or hit the bar after. On the other hand, if you’re just looking for a solo drink-and-think, your roof becomes a bastion of tranquility. With only the city and a speaker to keep you company, you’re looking at an hour or so of real reflection.

There’s nothing wrong with house parties. They make for good nights and better stories. When you’re looking for a place to tell those stories though, your roof is a true bastion of freedom and fellowship. Regardless of your intent, whether it be establishing dominance or escaping the world, it’s one of the last places you can have a beer on your own terms. As long as you don’t live too close to the edge, you’ll find yourself in a rare kind of paradise. Pay it a visit whenever you can, because nothing eases the mind like cold beer on raised surfaces.

Email this to a friend

Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in Eastern NC where he spends his time roasting pigs and attempting to grow a beard. Karl enjoys drinking on elevated surfaces and rapping on podcasts.

15 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed