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The 6 Steps To Increase Your Chances Of Getting Laid, From A Girl

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Many guys comfort themselves with the phrase “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.” And for the most part, this can be true. However, in order to work the motion of the ocean, you have to lead us ladies to believe you got a lot going on under those pants. The true key to getting into any sorority girl’s pants is making her believe that it will be worth her while.

Thanks to Mother Nature and some fucking awesome powers of detection, women can almost always predict the size of your penis. I’m not kidding. If you give me five minutes even just talking to a guy, I can estimate how disappointing he’ll be in the sack. If a girl makes the estimate that your dick isn’t worth her time, she’ll be on to the next without a second thought. But because I’m not a total bitch, I’d like to give those of you with smaller than average family jewels some pointers on how to pretend that you’re hung like a horse. This will at the least give you a chance to impress her with your, um, abilities, even if you’re a little lacking.

1. Eye Contact

Confident boys look girls in the eye. If you expect her to go home with you and see your dick, you have to look her in the eye. Also, check her out. if she seems into the conversation, look her up and down not so discretely so she knows you think she’s hot and you aren’t trying to hide it.

2. Don’t Dress Like a Scoob

Bitches love button-downs.

3. Drink Like a Man

Don’t order a girly drink. It screams “I have a vagina” to anyone you approach. The only girly drink you should ever have in your hand is the one you bought for the girl you’re talking to as you pass it to her.

4. Be Forward

If you’ve been talking for a while and it seems to be going well, put your game face on. Lean in and whisper something into her ear. Depending on how confident you’re feeling, make it as naughty as possible (without being creepy please). By now, you probably should’ve already told her she’s hot, so start with something like “I really want to kiss you right now.” Although a little vanilla, it gives you an excuse to make out with someone you just met. Hopefully you’re not a terrible kisser, and she’ll be impressed by your “go get ’em” attitude. If you feel like she’s really digging you and want to knock her socks off, “Let’s get out of here” or something along those lines will do the trick. Bonus points if you respond with “You” when she asks what you want to do.

5. Stay Calm

So it’s going well and you’ve got the girl in your room, but there’s still time for her to realize your dick is small before she even sees it. Foreplay is important, but don’t be fucking weird about it. There is nothing worse than being way too into it. Yes, girls like to make you squirm because of how hot we are, but don’t squirm too much. If you are panting or whining while we are only kissing with all our clothes on, it makes me feel like you’re going to bust a nut before you even put it in. Not interested. Bye.

6. Be Aggressive

While the level desired for this is different for each person, show her that you’re confident in what you’re doing and that you seemingly already know what she likes. Pull her hair, slap her ass, and kiss her neck hard. Nothing is worse than having to tell a guy to stop treating you like a delicate flower. Chances are she just wants to be fucked. Show her you know how.

By following these steps, you’ll be able to get the opportunity to (hopefully, although that’s on you) rock her world that you otherwise would’ve missed out on. Fake it until you make (her scream) it.

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